Is this abuse?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2004
Is this abuse?
5
Mon, 10-25-2004 - 9:55am
When you are in a relationship with someone and the person is threatening to kill themselves if you leave, or kill your animals, slash your tires, take all your money, etc. are these threats some kind of emotional abuse? Or at the least, emotional blackmail?
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-11-2004
In reply to: jlt242
Mon, 10-25-2004 - 1:02pm
Yes, these are threats that you do not want to take lightly at all. I really want for you to read the lists at the bottom of this message board about when an abusive person can become lethal, traits of an abusive relationships, and most common actions in an abusive relationship. Then also take the test in the list about abusive traits by answering the questions on the list to find out where you should go from there. So far, both parties definitely should go straight to individual counseling due to the threat of this person commiting suicide. Also, if possible, stay away from this person out of fear that your life can be threatened: one study on homicidial activity suggests that people with homicidal tendencies have been known to kill animals first before progressing to people. Also, depending how close you are to your pets, this is also like killing your own children and it should be treated as such. Please be cautious in dealing with this and seek help immediately for your safety, the animals' safety and the alleged abuser's safety.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2004
In reply to: jlt242
Mon, 10-25-2004 - 1:03pm
YES YES YES YES
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2004
In reply to: jlt242
Mon, 10-25-2004 - 1:03pm


This is definitely abuse.

Please read everything you can on this website, about the signs and patterns of abuse, and wait for further advice/help from others on here. I'm not an expert, but I wanted to give you a reply to your post as soon as possible so that you know that someone is here to listen to you.

I do know this; YOU are NOT responsible for someone wanting to or threatening to take their life - most of these threats are empty threats in order to bully you into staying - HOWEVER, it would be helpful that you come up with some kind of safety plan because you (and your pets) could be in danger.

There are many on this board that sadly have been through situations very similar to yours, and are far better equipped to give you advice on how to handle your situation, if you should you contact the police, find local shelters or counselling.

I did read somewhere that when anyone threatens suicide you should contact their families and tell them.

Keep reading and posting here!



iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2003
In reply to: jlt242
Mon, 10-25-2004 - 2:39pm
Yes, most absolutely that stuff is abuse. It's torture intended to keep control. What's more those threats of violence to himself and the animals are red flags for a lethal abuser. There's a checklist upstairs, maybe here too, titled, "Is your abuser lethal?" Check it out. Take care of yourself, babe. We're here for you. Big hugs.

Calla, delurking from upstairs. Or is it downstairs?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2004
In reply to: jlt242
Tue, 10-26-2004 - 3:06pm
It absolutely is.... there are so many kinds of abuse that we, especially being in the "thick of it", never even think to consider. Emotional abuse, verbal abuse, financial abuse (does he distribute all the household money? does he threaten to leave you destitute if you were to leave him?), animal abuse, child abuse, and physical abuse.

You have a right to be worried, and you may even have the grounds to obtain a restraining order against him, depending on where you live.

Good luck!!