Is this abuse??

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-01-2004
Is this abuse??
3
Sat, 05-01-2004 - 10:24pm
This is Saturday night. I am alone again. My Husband, that I love, has once again started a fight over nothing. I think it was the car radio channel. Doesn't matter. If it wasn't that, it would be something else. He simply doesn't like me. Yet, he says that if I leave, which I have threatened to do, over and over, he will kill himself, amd it will be my fault. His family will hate me. This scenario, this same exact fight, comes up all the time. He will yell at me, curse me, and when I am shattered, and get confused and angry, he will berate me for being "out of control". He will tell me that I am a "horrible" wife. I do NOTHING for him, and he does EVERYTHING for me. I am unappreciative, lazy, and I make him unhappy.

I am 42, we have 2 kids, and I am so lonely. I would love to have one decent conversation. If I talk about my likes, hopes, dreams...he puts them down, or simply acts bored or interupts.

Lately, when I am in a group of people, I can't just chat and mingle. I feel like I am disappearing. I'm so anxious, I feel like I can't be around people anymore.

Last week, He went to church with me. He said he was so happy. That he felt at home, and we could start going weekly. Tonight he said I was pushing him. He told me we were going back on Tuesday, now he says I'm pushing him? I was so disappointed I was sobbing, because I really wanted this. He said that If i go without him, he'd leave me.

My heart is breaking. I just keep asking myself what did I do????

Is this abuse? I am sooo confused.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
In reply to: cjstar
Sun, 05-02-2004 - 1:36am

Hi CJ and welcome -


I am really sorry that this is happening to you.

CL-Blueliner4

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2004
In reply to: cjstar
Mon, 05-03-2004 - 10:47pm
I find it interesting you just described what I am going through.

However, I have left my husband about 6 weeks ago. I will not lie it is on easy.

He comes around. We have a daughter that is 2. I feel that it is my responsibility to

make sure that he has a relationship with her. NOT for his sake, for my daughters. My

parents are not supportive, They loove my husband. However he does not act this way around them, it is normally when we are at home, however occasionally he has slipped and has done this around close friends. He is degrading. He says that it is all my fault and that I am crazy. He says that I make everyone miserable that I am around. He said that I am a evil person and that if I was not then I would not be putting him and our daughter thorough this. Sound familiar. Even though my mom is not supportive (I am 25) She gave me the most important advice that anyone gave me. She asked me if I would want my daughter to grow up thinking that it was ok for a man to treat her that way. I sd no it is not the way I want her think a man should treat a wife. I have left. I fight it every day to go back. In my mind, sometimes I think that I am a miserable person and maybe everyone would be better left off if I was not here. Then I think this is the way he wants me to feel. I DESERVE to be happy, not because I am better but just because we both deserve it 50/50. I know I am not giving you advice, there is a reason for this. I want you to know you are not at fault, I do not know your situation, however the fact is if you are not happy then leave, YOU DESERVE to be happy, just like him. Life is to short. Hang in there. When you are ready to leave, some say you will just know, I disagree, in my mind I know that I do not want to go back, however like I said I fight it ieveryday. I wish you the best. Sorry I guess I was venting about my own situation.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
In reply to: cjstar
Tue, 05-04-2004 - 12:55pm

Tamby, I'm going to copy and repost this in it's own thread so it gets the attention it deserves.


CL-Blueliner4

A friend will help you move.

CL-Blueliner4