Is this abuse?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
Is this abuse?
2
Mon, 03-29-2004 - 6:40am
My stupid bf says hes not an abuser because he doesnt give me a black eye. He says hes never beat the sh*t out of me so hes not abusive. He has pushed me, spit on me, thrown me over a couch, banged my head against a wall,thrown things at me, hit me with pillows, kicked me, bit me and other stuff Im sure I have chosen to forget. He says that Im full of it. That Im lucky he hasnt given me a black eye. I know he wants to because he always threatens me with it. Why do you think he hasnt punched me when he always says he will. He must really believe that once he gives me a black eye he is in the category of an abuser or maybe he knows that if I call the police and my eye is black hes in trouble. Sometimes I wish he would do it just so I felt like I could call the police and feel secure that they would arrest him. I have called them before and I got arrested and he didnt. They have made me so afraid that I dont ever want to call them again. I pushed him to get him away from me because he was all in my face, so close I could feel his breath. And because I pushed him I got arrested. Didnt matter that for 3 hours he tormented me by breaking things and trashing my apartment not to mention the holes he punched in the walls. He even threw me up against a wall and pounded my head into it. But I got arrested. And worse the cop that arrested me told me that next time maybe I will think twice about calling them for my relationship problems. I wanted to slap that cop. It worked because I havent called them since. I call them to protect me and instead they abuse me and let my abuser get away with hurting me. And now my bf has this control over me when it comes to calling them because he knows that I wont and he thinks its funny. Those cops really messed me up that night and made things worse for me. I hate the police.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2003
In reply to: mystikraz
Mon, 03-29-2004 - 6:58am
Yes, what he is doing is abuse. I find it hard to believe that he was able to get away with trashing your apartment. How long ago did this happen? I don't know if you want to do this, but when my ex-fiance trashed my apartment and was threatening me, I had to call the police. They said I had 1 year and 1 day to go to the district court and file criminal charges. I didn't want to do it myself at the time, but I ended up having to that night because there was no other way to get him out of the house. You can file charges for assault..all of those things he was doing were assault and for destruction of property depending on what he broke. You wouldn't have to call the police since you wouldn't do this during an actual dispute. Again, you might not want to take that extreme (it was scary for me, but necessary), but it is an option you have. Check the laws for your state.

Whatever you decide, realize that he is abusing you. Abuse does not have to leave physical bruises. My ex rarely layed a hand on me, but he made sure that I knew he could. That threat is abuse, it intimidates and makes you feel like you have no way out. If you don't want to file the charges, call a shelter and at least get into some counseling to help boost your self esteem, so that you will be strong enough to stand up against what he is doing. Good luck and keep posting.

Jen

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
In reply to: mystikraz
Mon, 03-29-2004 - 8:18am
When he trashed my apartment it was like 3 years ago.