Is This Abuse and What to Do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2004
Is This Abuse and What to Do?
2
Fri, 10-15-2004 - 7:01pm
My husband and I have been married for 11 years and have 2 boys ages 7 and 5. Our 7 year old has a high-functioning form of autism called Asperger's Syndrome and our 5 year old is a real pistol (this make for a stressful home life). Ever since the birth of our first son, my husband has had a real problem handling stress ... in stressful situations he has a real temper and blows up. At other times he can be funny, friendly and very nice. My big concern is how he treats our children. When one or both of them has a tantrum or misbehaves, he says things like, "I'm going to drive you to someone else's house and drop you off there to live from now on" and "Why do you act like such an idiot/retard" and also yells, growls and roars at them like a monster. Additionally he will cover their mouths really hard so that they are afraid they can't breathe. I have tried giving him all kinds of disciplinary tips but he can't ever use them because he can't control his anger. Now our 5 year old now says things like "Everyone hates me" and "I'm so stupid" and "Daddy doesn't love me". I have only listed a couple of of the many examples but does this sound like abuse to you? And does anyone have any suggestions for what I should do?

I have been trying to help him change for so long with no results ... now I simply don't love him anymore. He will not go to counseling so I just started seeing a counselor myself. I am very worried about the emotional well-being of my kids! Worried enought that I am seriously contemplating divorce.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Fri, 10-15-2004 - 7:34pm

Hi Sarahkate, welcome -


Well, I'm not going to discourage you from pursuing the divorce.

CL-Blueliner4

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2004
Sat, 10-16-2004 - 11:03pm
I don't see how this situation can improve with regards to the children. I think the longer you stay the more they will have to get over/overcome.