Abuse Stinks
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| Tue, 07-12-2005 - 5:51pm |
Hi,
I really don't know what to type. I need help with this.
I've been mentally and also physically abused for so long it's just become life. I don't want to think about any of it or remember it but I can't forget it.
He left me and the kids last week with no food or money when I told him that I wouldn't take it anymore. He keeps calling me to tell me how horrible I am, that I ruined his life so I deserve to be treated poorly and that he's replacing me. I keep thinking it's the apolgy call. Why I don't know. I want him gone. I want it to stop.
I don't know what to do. It's so hard to deal with. Everything is my fault. I have heart disease so I'm weak and tired all the time. He say I'm lazy and don't do anything, that I don't make any money so therefore I don't deserve anything.
This is the begining of my story.
He says he wishes I was dead.
I've been with him since I was 16. I'm now 32. He was never perfect but he's become a monster.
Help me

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Never underestimate or let your guard down.
Wish is right, hon.
CL-Blueliner4
Hi Antiquedreams: I can’t really offer much advice since I am in the same boat as you, but wanted you to know that you are not alone in your feelings – all of them - and that what you are feeling is absolutely normal for your situation. Try to keep in mind that your husband is the one with the problem, not you. I also have heart problems (a blockage). Dare I say the stress of dealing with my husband has been a contributing factor. So every time he starts something I feel like its making my heart problem even worse.
My husband was always difficult to deal with and now he has become impossible. Every day is misery with him. He always tries his hardest to make me feel like a bad person and is constantly telling me I have ruined his life. He is abusive in every way there is. Like you, I have been with him for half of my life and I want him gone but it is very difficult. I know he will not leave, he just threatens to all the time.
Keep reading and posting here. I was searching for answers and validation for my feelings and found that and much more on this board. I did not understand what was going on in my marriage and with my husband’s antics, (I just knew I was terribly unhappy) but once I started reading the posts here everything started to make sense.
And also please contact your local dv center. I too was afraid that my husband would find out that I was seeking help from them. He is a family court attorney and has many connections and knows all the legal stuff so I didn’t feel safe and also knew that if I made any attempt to ruin his spotless reputation in family court with the judges and other people that he would be beside himself with rage. But when I explained it to the dv counselor she understood. I didn’t even give my last name because I am still afraid he will find out. She was good enough to come to me – to meet me at work so I could talk freely and not have to worry about my husband finding out. Also, I feel better knowing that I have a connection with them now and I can call anytime, especially if I need to get away from my husband to feel safe. See if that might work for you.
Keep coming here and letting it out. We all understand like no one else does.
Hi Everyone,
I just wanted to thank you all for your support and let you all know my kids and I are fine.
Right now, I'm not so worried about him. I don't feel like I'm so controlled anymore. Your help and advice has really helped me. Especially the explainations about why he does what he does. I could never figure out what his reasonings where and always felt confused.
Well..
He just walked in last night and acted like nothing happened. He wasn't invited in. He called and I didn't answer the phone. I forgot to lock the door.
I know he thinks he taught me my lesson. He told me to realize that life is hard without him and he was thinking about not coming back. I didn't even say I was taking him back! I assume he will throw another fit in a couple of days.
If I feel I need to I will go to a shelter until then I plan on building up some savings...quietly.
Thank you all so much..
Glad to hear you're OK.
On the board homepage there is a link regarding how to plan a safe escape.
CL-Blueliner4
Hi Stuckmom,
Thank you. I wish you well. I'm so so sorry about your husband.
Abuse really stinks. Doesn't it.
It's so confusing and aggraving. Sometimes they seem so normal it can drive you crazy.
I always ask myself how someone I've known for so long can do this to me. I'm sure you do too.
Mine used to say awful things to me until I was on the floor my heart so out of control I couldn't breathe or talk. Then he would walk out. I was so weak and in pain I had to stay in bed for a long time to recover. I won't let him effect me like that anymore.
The left side of my heart is enlarged and works at a third of what it should. I'm better now then I used to be. Thanks to a good doctor. The first doctor only gave me 10-20 years to live. He... thinks I'm faking. Even though he was in the doctors office when they told me. Huh? He says he's talked to experts and I'm making it up.
Good luck and all the best to you,
Antiquedreams
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