Abusers' Sixth Sense
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Abusers' Sixth Sense
| Thu, 08-05-2004 - 5:57pm |
You know what frustrates me? Is that my bf seems to have this inner intuition, or sixth sense, so to speak, of when my breaking point is. Last night, for example, we were fighting (surprise) but I remained collected and together and was able to recognize all of his abusive, bullying tactics that were in play. His struggle for my submission went for hours and hours until the sun was about to come up. To end it all, I pretended to no longer be upset while secretly planning to get all my stuff together and sneak out today while he was at work. I even lowered myself to pleasuring him sexually, twice, even though sex was slightly painful for me, because I knew it would comfort him and get him to stop being so mad. Ugh. Anyway, this plan usually works, and he feels comforted and relieved and relaxed, but this time he seemed to sense that I was planning an exodus... or something. He ALWAYS does. Whenever I am calmly, secretly planning it, he always seems to know. So, he got all sweet and cuddly and apologized and set us in plans for today, etc. My plans got flushed down the toilet. I can only assume due to his young age, and probably lack of tons of experience, that this is just an uncanny part of an abusive character...his ability to recognize limits and avoid crossing the line, wherever it may be set. I am so frustrated by this. It is just not as easy to sneak away when he is being so thoughtful and considerate and all that other garbage. He called me twice today to check to see if I am eating, etc. Sorry this passage is really rambling. My head is just spinning!
Thank you everybody for your support in these past two weeks!

I don't think it's a sixth sense, I think he got what he was looking for, then was happy because you were a good girl and gave him what he was after.
CL-Blueliner4
Not what I'm saying at all.
CL-Blueliner4
You are right about "all being right" in his head. I talked to him an hour ago maybe and very carefully asked him if he was still mad at me. I know that I am still upset by the evening's events. He answered "I thought we settled that, and everything was alright." I saw it more as a temporary truce so we could squeeze in a couple hours of sleep.
You left your abuser, right? Was it a while ago? Your insight really impresses me. Thank you so much.
I've been out for 22 1/2 months.
CL-Blueliner4
I thought I was the only one who used sex to get my man to calm down and stop the abuse,I kept thinking,wow I am messed up,he can treat me like crap and yet I have sex with him just to stop the fight!
thank you for sharing that! I really appreciate knowing Im not the only one!
Ive never actually done more than thought,oh I should leave,never made plans to or anything,just had a passing thought of it!
ya just cant leave until you are ready.....sad thing...I may never be! Im tired of having horrible relationships,making "bad choices" and Im just worn out inside and dont feel like bothering any more to get things better!!! it sux,but I just dont know.....
maybe one day it will come to me,the strength to do something! who knows,I just wanted to say thanks for posting this!
Proud mom of Madalyn,age 7,wifey 2 Don and waitin on baby!!!!
Proud mom of Madalyn,age 7,wifey 2 Don and waitin on baby!!!!