Is this an abusive relationship?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2006
Is this an abusive relationship?
3
Fri, 05-05-2006 - 11:33am
I have been married to my husband since Dec. 2005. We lived together off and on for 3 yrs. The last time I moved out and had my own apartment with my son. It has always been hard to be in a relationship with him because he has OCD. Well since we've been married things have been a little worse. He has always rough played to where his feet have swollen from kicking me because I use to take tae kwon do and we would be playing.But he always hurts me! The first thing he always grabs is my wrist. It leaves bruises! When I tell him he's hurting me it's always I'm not hurting you cry baby! When I get payed he always wants to be in control of it. But he has a sepperate account that I signed a prenup on thaat has atleast 300,000.00 in it. He spends that money on HIMSELF like it grows on trees.He always manipulates everything I say. I have been out of work for 2 mths. because I had surgery on my foot and had a cast on. I told him I was thinking about changing jobs and he told me I was not he wouldn't let me. We have worked together for 7 yrs. now! He sais it in a joking way but he always seems to really be telling it how he feels. He had never put his hands on me out of anger until 3 weeks ago. I had my leg cast up and he pushed me down and was on top of me. He used the excuse I was out of control and he was trying to control me! He tells me when we're in fights that it wasn't so bad without me here, he doesn't know why he married me, run forest run because I can't walk right now, leaves me at home after fights doesn't tell me where he's going, out of 4 cars he takes the only automatic one so I can't leave. He always has an excuse for everything and always sais he was just joking. He seems to turn everything around to make it sound like it's all me. Wen. night is my only night out of the house. Everytime I'm getting cleaned up he will keep walking in snikkering. I'll ask him if I look stupid or something? He'll say oh no. I feel like I'm a bomb ready to explode!! PLEASE HELP!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2003
Fri, 05-05-2006 - 2:17pm

Yes, you are without a doubt in an emotionally and physically abusive relationship and I would recommend the first thing you do is get in contact with a DV shelter and try to dtermine which resources you can use in the community to try and help yourself, e.g. DV counselling (which is purposely different from "regular" counselling) whether one on one or in a group setting, legal advice/support, even an escape/safety plan which we canhave inplace until we are able to leave. I am a firm believer in knowledge being power. The more infomration you have the less hold he can have over you, find out your rights and your options but be careful and keep us posted. You are not alone and we all can understand where you have been and where you are coming from.

Lisa

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2004
Sat, 05-06-2006 - 7:56pm
I always tell people that if you have to ask yourself if it's abuse, it probably is. That said, yours definitely sounds to me like an abusive relationship. As the other poster said, start by talking to your local DV shelter, located in the yellow pages of your phone book. If you can't find it there, hospitals and social service agencies should also be able to refer you. They know the laws in your area, and can give you the best immediate help. Also, check out our board website, accessible through the "Learn more about this community" link at the top of the page.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2005
Sat, 05-06-2006 - 8:09pm
Yes, this is an abusive relationship.