Advice needed please

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2004
Advice needed please
8
Sun, 02-13-2005 - 1:43am

hi everyone,

So lately i have been thinking about my moving out situation, the plan was i was saving up money and gonna find a apartment or something. But latley i really dont feel comfortable with it all, being on my own and stuff. So i was thinkin of asking my dad if i could move in with him until i get my feet back on the ground. I mean he has a huge house, 2 bath, 4 bedroom plus a basement, I would probably just move into the basement. The only problem i have with it, is he recently just got married this past summer (my mom passed about about 8 years ago) and im not sure how she would like it.

I know dad would be okay with it, but i dont want to feel that im invading there space, i know it seems abit silly, i mean he is my dad and all, but still, i dont want to be a pain in the butt. I feel stupid as it is, being that i moved out with abusive husband when i was 17 from home, now i will be moving back just where i started. What do you girls think would be the best? Is it bad that i would move back into dads home? and do you think he would mind it, thanks in advance for the advice.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2005
Sun, 02-13-2005 - 2:31am

I don't know your Dad or Stepmother so I couldn't say if they would mind but I don't see it would be a problem if you convert the basement into a bedsitter, paid a token rent & were polite & considerate. When you're a parent there is no cut off period in when you stop giving your children help. As long as you're not taking advantage of the situation it shouldn't be an issue.

If they are happy with the arrangement it's a great idea. You have never really been alone all your life by the sounds of it & it would be a good idea to ease your way into it. If you take on too much too soon you might set yourself up for failure & how would that effect your self esteem? You have a lot of war wounds to lick. Would be best you did it without worrying about the roof over your head. Avoid taking on too much stress to begin with, just cope with what you can.

Love Katie Bear xxxxxxxxxxxx

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2005
Sun, 02-13-2005 - 9:52am
Katie is right, I doubt your father would mind you moving in.
5yrssm 
Avatar for sandman2write
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 02-13-2005 - 2:16pm

Katie Bear is absolutely right. Moving in with Dad at this point
Sounds like a wonderful start to your newfound independence.
Independence is the best tool you could give yourself,
After you have moved out go bye yourself new shoes, get your hair done,
Or something you have always wanted, and see how good it feels

Randy

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2005
Sun, 02-13-2005 - 3:35pm
Glad to see you back, Randy.
5yrssm 
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2004
Sun, 02-13-2005 - 5:19pm
good points everyone, thankyou. I for sure would help out as much as i can and stay out of there way. I guess i would just feel silly for having to move back home, letting everyone say, "told you , you wouldnt make it" you married way too young, etc. Your also right about having too much on my plate, i think just going to dads would be less one thing to worry about. But i would not stay long i hope, just long enough to get my feet back on the ground. I am just feeling like a inconvience to him and my stepmother because ya know, they got rid of all the kids , now one has to come back home...because she thought she could do it all on her own, haha, yeah right.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2003
Sun, 02-13-2005 - 9:26pm

Hi Iv,

I could easily be in your dad's situation. If I was on the other side of the coin and my daughter needed help, I would immediately step in and offer my home. Moving there temporarily is a smart move if his new wife is willing.

If you do it, make a plan now, speak honestly and tell them your future goals. Make sure EVERYONE is on the same page. It is only fair to everyone concerned.

I don't know your situation well, but for what you will be going through this next year, you need to be able to heal, grow and find yourself. So make sure at least you place yourself in an environment that you have an opportunity of peace and the freedom to make good life choices.

Good luck to you.

Terry

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2005
Mon, 02-14-2005 - 5:00am
I am in a verbal and physically abusive relationship myself. You should definately move back to your father's until you get on your feet again.Family is there to help,so don't be embaressed.I am in similar situation like you, i live with my abuser and it's hell. I also am saving up money to buy a car and move(everything i use is his)so as soon as i gat my car, i m considering moving back with my dad as well. Even if it's weird at first, it can't be any worse than being hit and called names by a man who has a temper problem.Go for it, you will feel secure at last.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Mon, 02-14-2005 - 2:09pm

I was with my mom for 10 months in her cramped little 2 bedroom condo that I hated when we moved in and I still hate it today.

CL-Blueliner4