All about me

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2004
All about me
Wed, 12-07-2005 - 1:00am

First off, let me say that I am SO excited to be here! A lot of you may not remember me- I have posted in the past about SIL and myself, and our respective situations. I've been lurking regularly, though, so I will know what you're talking about when you discuss what's going on with you w/o you having to go back through the whole thing to fill me in. Now, let me tell you about myself, and how I came to be interested in DV. We'll start with Leon the Loony.

Leon the Loony is my own personal psycho. It all began back in September 1999, when the guy I'd been dating exclusively for three years decided he wanted to "experience life" and dumped me. Since I'd completely counted on marrying this guy- I eventually did just that, but that's another story- it was a pretty devastating blow. In short, I was a sitting duck for LTL.

I had just graduated from college, and I worked at a little restaurant next to the college campus. LTL was a graduate student, and the building for his particular field of study happened to be next to my workplace. That's how LTL and I met- he came over to buy lunch, and we struck up a conversation. I'd been kind of dating another guy, but then he moved away, and that's when LTL made his move.

It was January, and the first week that students were back. We were swamped at work, and I was just glad to see another friendly face when LTL came through the line. That's how he got my phone number out of me. It was the next day, which I had taken off from work to recover, that he called. He wanted me to go meet him for coffee Right Then. (For those of you counting, Red Flag No.1.) I told him I was recovering from the day before, but he responded, "PLLLLEEEEEASE, I reeeeeally want to seeee you!" So, I cracked- and wound up staying at the coffeehouse for six hours, because he would not stop talking, and I could not figure out how to get rid of him.

Quite the start for a relationship, right? It got better. The first month or so was fine- and how romantic, he proposed the second week we were dating! (Red Flag #2.) The nonsense actually started on Valentine's Day, when he threw a wall-punching temper tantrum because he got out of work too late to go to a nearby town to celebrate. But hey, it was just because he was soooo stressed out! (#3.)

As you might imagine, that was just the warm-up. Over the next four months, I was treated to:

*Attempting to hide my birth-control pills, knowing full well that I was childfree (highlight: screamed "You're going to give birth to my children whether you want to or not!")

*Threatening to kill my parents' cat

*Punching the refrigerator and, literally, howling when I proofread one of his papers as he had asked me to and dared to make corrections

*Dragging me bodily down the hall while I was in the throes of a migraine because "we need to go for a walk! Fresh air will make you feel better!"

*Forcing me to sit on the couch and watch anime with him for eighteen hours straight. As in, he would hold me down if I tried to get up.

*Hitting on a female ice-rink guard and then, when I came up to him in the process of doing so, screaming "Look what you did!" (i.e. spoiled his chances) because she caught on to him and left.

I think there was more, but that's what I remember at the moment. My freedom date was May 5, 2000. That's the day after I decided he had to go, when I discovered him moving his possessions into my apartment because he was planning to stay there "for a month" after his lease expired. His brother was sympathetic to me, so had been helping me plan how to get rid of him. I didn't get scared until the brother stated, "Don't cut him off completely at first, if you don't want a stalker on your hands." But, tell him he had to go I did. And that was one heck of a tantrum. I had my hand on the phone ready to call the police when he realized what I was doing, and calmed down real quick because he was afraid of cops. After my friends and I got him and his stuff out of there, he called something like five times in two hours. The answering machine dealt with him.

It took awhile to get him cut completely out of my life, but I haven't heard from him since last May, when he tried to call the week before my wedding. He occasionally tries to get me to sign up with services like Friendster, but those services also let you block someone from e-mailing you. I don't think he knows this. :)

I tell you all this not as a pity party, but to let you know that I have been where you are and that you CAN get out. I'm looking forward to helping you all decide what is best for *you* and providing the support you need. (And, I'll tell you about Al the Evil, SIL's ex, tomorrow. :) )

Erin

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