all over a hair

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2005
all over a hair
7
Mon, 05-02-2005 - 9:04am

I'm so lost. I have been living with my bf for six months now (in my hone, which I own). I am 27 and he is 35. Last night, at @12:00 a.m., I was in a deep sleep. My bf came in to tell me that he had a hair in his eye from shaving and needed help getting it out. I was in a deep sleep and I thought he said that he missed a spot shaving. Then a few minutes later, I hear him screaimg that he can't find the flashlight. So I yell to him where it was and I fell back asleep, only to be awakened by him screaming that I'm the most self-centered person he knows and he doesn't understand why I won't help him. So I get out of bed and walk into the bathroom where he is. He starts SCREAMING at me and saying things like" I can't wait til this relationship is over". He also called me numerous names. Then he kept screaming that something was in his eye and he needed help getting it out. So I asked him to sit down so I could see. Well then he got even louder with the names and the screaming, so (though it was wrong of me), I yelled back about how he's an idiot for yelling at me over a hair in his eye and if he would calm down, I could help. He then lunged at me three times, though he never touched me, but he acted like he would. He went on to say how horrible I was for getting upset over him yelling at me. He demanded that I leave the room, but I stayed for a minute and tried again to help by asking him to sit down. He then slightly pushed me and shut the door.

I don't know what to do. This man lives in my home (with my 6 year old daughter). Is this my fault for not understanding what he was trying to tell me while I was sleeping. Should I not have yelled at him. I am so lost.......

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-14-2005
Mon, 05-02-2005 - 9:21am
No, his behavior was not your fault. He's abusive, and he sounds potentially dangerous. If I were you, I wouldn't wait for things to get worse, especially since you have a six-year-old daughter. I'd tell him to find a new place to live right now. His abuse is only going to get worse.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2004
Mon, 05-02-2005 - 11:37am
If he wants out of your relationship so badly then fine. Pack his things in a trash bag and change the locks. This is your home not his and he has no claim to it. You should also commend yourself for being 27 and owning your own home. That is a huge accomplishment.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2005
Mon, 05-02-2005 - 12:14pm

I must commend you for owning your own home at the age of 27, that is awesome.

5yrssm 
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2005
Mon, 05-02-2005 - 1:18pm
That is just not normal. Was he on something?
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2004
Mon, 05-02-2005 - 2:24pm
I once read somewhere that abusers have the emotional maturity of a two year old. After reading your story, I can see how true it really is. His behaviour sounds very similar to something that just happened with my daughter a few days ago and she's 21 months. She started screaming hysterically and when I went to her she started squirming and fighting and pushing me away, and I picked her up and she squirmed and kicked me some more. After asking her several times what was wrong, she pointed to her foot, it turns out there was a piece of oatmeal on it. When I went to go get it she again kicks her foot repeatedly, then I had to grab it and take the oatmeal off. Then I told her it's all better now, your foot is nice and clean again,and she went off to play without a word(no thankyou no hug no nothing)just thinking of herself-problem solved on to the next thing. Same thing with your story, he wakes you up out a deep sleep because he has a problem(something a toddler would do), the screams when your actions don't match his unspoken wishes(something a toddler would do), then continues to scream at you away while you are trying to help him(something a toddler would do).He has the intellect of an adult, the strength of a grown man,with the emotional development of a toddler, not a good combination. He was just testing you this time by lunging at you, next time or a few times after that, he'll give you the real thing.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2003
Mon, 05-02-2005 - 5:47pm

Yup, definitely abuse on his part. It's not your fault he escalated along the way. He deserves to find his bags in the driveway, locks changed, and 911 programmed into your phone in case he makes noise about it. He has no respect for you or your baby (or your neighbors for that much).

Take care of yourself, Bluebird.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 05-03-2005 - 12:02pm
This is definitely unacceptable behavior. I just have one burning question - what is he doing shaving at midnight??