This always gets the best of me..
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This always gets the best of me..
| Tue, 06-14-2005 - 1:37pm |
hey everyone, so as most of you know im moving back home at the end of the month. So i can now afford to take those occupational first aid courses that i wanted to do awhile back. To do these courses would only take me 2 weeks, than i can start work and watch the $$ roll in, lol, and start fresh. I have always dreamed of doing this job, but stbx would never let me,he told me # 1 reason was i would make more $$ than him,and #2 was i would not be home enough, #3, i just couldnt handle the job. So i never did the course. Now i can! YAHOO. The only thing that freaks me out is failing it. Fear of failing always gets the best of me and i hate it. My selfesteem is so low from the abuse that i find it hard to accomplish anything, which really ticks me off. To just go sign up for the course takes me alot of guts, nevermind thinking about tests and being put on the spot around abunch of strangers. Or failing the course and having to tell people i failed, ugh it drives me crazy. I try to tell my self there is no such thing as failure, i try to punch that in my head, but its not working. Its so frustrating that i cant just bite the bullet and do the course without worrying to death about failure. The courses start in july and im already a nervous wreak!?, is there anyway to get past this..

Hey hon -
The fear you are talking about is the very reason WHY you need to do this.
CL-Blueliner4
As the others have said, I don't think you will fail the course. You've always dreamed of taking it. You no longer have your ex around to distract you while you're trying to do it. Now you just have to work on that negative voice in your head!
I know when I first started my 'new life' I was afraid to do new things, either because they were things my ex told me I couldn't do or because that negative voice in my head would tell me so. I found it helped me to just make the decision I was going to do it and go for it without letting myself think about it too much. If that didn't work, I thought about what the worst that would happen if the thing I was trying didn't work out. If I got a shorter haircut & it turned out I didn't look good with short hair, well hair grows back & I'd know I like it longer. If I put together a piece of furniture and didn't do it perfectly, well that piece of furniture is just going to be a little crooked and next time I'd assemble it a little differently. When I analyzed the situations I was afraid of, I realized that I was so afraid of failing, but in most cases if I did fail it wouldn't be a big deal. The sky wasn't going to fall on my head. And I found that most things I made myself do, I didn't fail at. Just like I think you will do well at this course. But if you didn't succeed at the course, then it would still be a learning experience, and that would make it not a failure. IMO, the only real failure is in giving in the to fear and refusing to try.
Hi!
I'm rooting for you, girl! Geeh, your self-doubts sound just like the voices I hear in my head, too! Just don't listen to them, and you'll be fine! I finished Paralegal School in May, and am doing my Externship right now. I too, worry that I'm going to screw it all up big time! Had I still been with my abuser, I couldn't have made it this far. Our fears try to hold us back. Even a baby-step is progress! Just don't let the fear paralyze you! You can do this, I just know it! Just take it only one day at a time, and don't look back - only look forward.
Please keep us posted on your progress!
Barbara
Just to let you know on this board too that you CAN and WILL do it!! Empower yourself and go for it!!! :o)
I'm rooting for you!!
kat
Woo-hoo!
CL-Blueliner4