Am I the abusive one?
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Am I the abusive one?
| Sun, 11-27-2005 - 12:28pm |
My husband says I'M the abusive one. He says I'm crazy, insane, and ruining everyone's lives.
| Sun, 11-27-2005 - 12:28pm |
My husband says I'M the abusive one. He says I'm crazy, insane, and ruining everyone's lives.
That's just what abusive men do. They turn it all around you and call you the crazy one, the abusive one. It happened to me, too.
He's not taking any responsibility for his own behavior, and he's using crazy-making tactics. His behavior might actually make you feel crazy at times because it makes no sense. He's keeping you off balance on purpose. It keeps you confused and in his control.
At this point, I'd recommend not touching him when you're angry and not raising your voice because things will escalate. It's not fair, but safety needs to be your first concern. You can't reason with an abusive person. They are incapable of thinking rationally.
Marriage counseling does not help in abuse cases, but you can call the Domestic Abuse Hotline 800-799-SAFE (7233)800-787-3224 (TDD) and get in touch with a counselor and support group for yourself.
Sweetdreams has a good point! Your husband probably does feel like he's the victim. My ex was the same way. At the same time that he admitted to feeling an urgent need to control the situation, he also said that he felt he was a victim of my abuse.
It's just more proof of how screwed up an abuser's thinking is. The big problem with that is that it can also screw up our own thinking.
During the last incident with my ex, I tried to get away from him, but he wouldn't let me go. He grabbed me, hit me, yelled at me, threatened me. I didn't make him do any of those things. He chose to do them. It was the scariest thing I'd ever been through in my life.
In spite of all that, it took me a long, long time to get over blaming myself for what he did to me. That's how messed up my own thinking had become. That's why it's so important to learn about abuse. The more you learn, the less damage an abuser can do to you.
That Lundy Bancroft book Why Does He Do That is a must read! I read it over and over after I left my ex, and it helped me tremendously!
Edited 11/28/2005 1:55 pm ET by riotgirrrl
Hi hon -
This is a classic scenario, one seen many times here.
CL-Blueliner4
I don't know enough about your situation to know exactly what to tell you, but it sounds a lot like my situation.
I recommend that you get yourself some help. I think that he is trying to make you nuts, and he's succeeding. he won't take responsibility for anything. he acts and speaks like a 6 year old.
I have to advocate for your children here. They don't deserve this life. Your poor little child that said she didn't want to go to the movie...that's hurting me. Your kids are the most important thing in the world, and it is your job to protect them.
Believe me. My eldest is only 9 years old, and was diagnosed with PTSD at age 5 because of the abuse he witnessed. he still has a world of issues, and goes to counselling.
Get out, get yourself some help, and get your children some help.
Please don't let it get to the point where it got with me. Child protection will intervene as soon as a teacher or a neighbour picks up on what's going on. I lost my kids for a week, until I left my husband. I was told that if I ever went back that I would lose them again. I am not as important to me as my children. And I'm sure you think that your kids deserve better.
Take Care
Sarah
Sweetdreams!!!........where are you girl? Also, how are you?! I sent you an email the other night about Kanga, did you get it? Do you still have the same email address?
Hugs and Smiles,
Jeepster