Am i being abused?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2006
Am i being abused?
5
Fri, 08-04-2006 - 11:57am

I really don't know what to think at the moment.

I have been with my boyfriend for coming up to 2 years and a half. A lot of tthat time i've had periods that I have wanted to leave, just because he makes me feel like my opinion isn't worth anything. He told me that he thinks that his opinion is worth more than mine, becuase i don't have alot a common sense. For this reason, when we dop have arguments i feel that he turns it around on me to make it my fault becuase he says i don't remeber what i say and i start shouting for no reason. I know i do shout sometimes when we have arguments, but i would never raise my voice unless he had first and i feel threatened.

A lot of the time, i try to walk away from the argument becuase i hate shouting at one another, but either he holds me down so i can't or he shouts at me saying that by walking away i'm too immature. He does hurt me sometimes, but he jokingly says its because i was trying to struggle, and if i just lay there, i wouldnt get hurt. This just makes me feel stupid for struggling. I never really thought about this as a abuse before yesterday, i just thought thats what everyone done!

he's also very jealous of other people and HATES me going out drinking or something without him. I get so nervous if i tell him i'm going out becuase i know for a fact it will lead to a row- he says that if i loved him i would want to stay in with him, and that by going out i obviously want to be with my friends more than i want to be with him. He knew what i was like when he met me - i love going out dancing and having fun - i'm only 18 for gods sake!

yesterday we started having a row over something really stupid when he raised his voice tome again! i did shout back at him,. if only through frustration because i hate it when he thinks hes always right! i can't remember what i said, it really wasn't anything that bad when he pushed me really hard and shouted "who the f*** do you think your talking to". i just got up and walked away. He tried shouting at me saying that he didn't push me but then when he finally admitted it, he couldn'y say sorry enough.

I do lovehim. And i know he loves me. I just don't knwo if i am being unreasonable. I do get moody sometimes, but is that any justification? Honestly? I don't know what to do - I'm too scared to break it off ! what if i'm doing the wrong thing?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2005
Sat, 08-05-2006 - 2:08pm

Hon, I don't mean to sound blunt, but of course you're moody!

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-09-2006
Fri, 08-11-2006 - 4:16pm

Hello! To me, this doesn't sound like a healthy relationship. I was in an abusive marraige for four years.

Here's a website that may provide insight: www.mysistersplacedc.org.

Please let us know how you're doing.

Best Regards,

Blessed Girl

Hello!

How are thing going for you?

Best Regards,

BlessedGirl

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2003
Sat, 08-12-2006 - 10:10am

The love you share is not healthy love, it is obsessive and destructive love, using the term "love" loosely here.

What you need to discover is why you think so little of yourself to volunteer to be abused. Please get professional counseling to get to the heart of the matter.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2004
Mon, 08-14-2006 - 10:52am

No, you're not being unreasonable. Holding someone down is unreasonable, to say nothing of illegal. I will tell you what I told another poster- if you have to ask if you're being abused, you probably are.

Check out our board website, accessible through the link at the top of the start page. Only you can make your timetable for leaving, but IMO leaving is something you want to be thinking about.

Image hosted by Photobucket.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-15-2006
Tue, 08-15-2006 - 4:39pm
Yes you are being abused. I lived with the exact same situatioon for the last 10 years and it took me a long time to recognize it as abuse...afterall I never had a black yet. But what I've learned is that there are many different types of abuse and this is emotional and verbal abuse. It will not get any better. My soon-to-be-ex could never see what he was doing - it was always my fault. Please don't waste your live like I did. It's hard to start over at 51, but I'm doing it and so can you. Best of luck.
Gusto