am i being abused, is this violence?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2006
am i being abused, is this violence?
3
Mon, 01-30-2006 - 8:16am

Hello, recently my husband and i have been fighting a lot, and he really hates my attitude, when he gets really really heated he'll do things like push me around, push me up against the wall, grab my face hard, push me repetedly on the bed , grabbing me by my arm , and when i want to leave the room he won't let me , and when i try to leave he throws me on the bed and when i try to sit up he pushes me back down,, these things happened the other night, and i went into a severe panic attack, couldnt breathe, my whole body went numb, and my heart was racing and when he saw that he started hugging me and telling hes sorry.

he never like hit me in the face or anything, but this is really worrying me, maybe it will get worse one day, would you say this is violence or something else? should i be upset at him ? he tells me that he hates himself and he loves me and hes sorry, but these things happen over and over. pls plssss give me advice or tell me your opinion on this matter, it would really help me to think the right thing insted of just being so damn vulnerable all the time.

What would you do, say or think about this?
would you call this domestic abuse? or just agression?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2004
Mon, 01-30-2006 - 8:47am

Hello and welcome to the board. First, I would ask yourself if it were your best friend telling you this what would you say. I find this is always a good gut check for me.

Check out the learn more about this community section and on the board website you will see several articles on how to tell if you are being abused. Abuse tends to run in cycles of everything is good (ie the honeymoon), somethings up and hasn't hit the fan yet(tension building), then the full out life as we know it has seized to exist(blow up) then a cool off period and back to the honeymoon. This cycle can happen over months or days it depends on the person.

Is what he did okay? NO NEVER. He sent your body into a flight or fight mode and your body felt extreme anxiety as it couldn't do either. At the very least some deep soul searching needs to be done. But if there is a pattern of abuse and if he falls into other areas of questionable behavior his soul searching will not yield any major results.

Remember, it's never okay to hit, push or hold someone against their will in any circumstance (arguement or not). Abuse is more than hitting in the face.

I hope you find the answers you need.
Jennifer

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2004
Mon, 01-30-2006 - 11:39pm

I'm a big believer in "if you have to ask, the answer is yes". In your case particularly, this IS violence. Throwing someone down on the bed is nothing else.

We are not here to tell you what to do, but in my opinion and experience, this is a relationship that you will need to take a long hard look at. Check out our links in the "Learn more about this community" link; they can help you do that.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2005
Tue, 01-31-2006 - 7:25am

YES, THIS IS VIOLENCE.


"Violence" and "violate" come from the same root.