AM i crazy????
Find a Conversation
| Wed, 04-07-2004 - 2:18pm |
SO he comes home last night, and for some reason i immediately got in somewhat of a bad mood. He tried to be sweet but immediately goes to the TV to put on the game he wanted to watch.......of course that bothered me. These are the questions as to whether I am crazy and acting like a stupid "girl." Although there is so much more weighing on my mind about my relationship that i think i'm almost trying to find things to get upset about....then i asked who he slept with in the hotel room (majority of the people on the trip were guys), and he told me he slept in bed with one of his female co-workers (whom i know kind of well, she just broke up with her 6 year boyfriend b/c she was cheating, and she has this weird habit of liking to get naked (in the hippie kind of way). So of course that really bothered me as well. I don't think he has an "interest" in her per se, however they WERE drinking since 4pm that day....so you never know what could have happened. Not to mention I don't know that i feel justified in getting upset b/c i did kiss a friend of mine months ago (which i still have guilt about). SO anyway, I was just so upset, we started to argue but a friend of his and our roommate were around....i went to my bedroom and bawled my eyes out, came up after a few hours, watched a movie, went back to bed (at this point he has come down to first tell me that i am irrational and crazy, when that didn't work, he tried being sweet and cuddly telling me he was sorry he didn't call, he made a mistake, can't i just get over it and that he loved me). Anywya, i tried to go back to bed and he tried to cuddle, i ignored it and then cried for the next 4 hours---probably didn't fall asleep until 5am or something and then work up at 7:30 so needless to say i feel crappy.
This morning i was still upset, didn't feel like fighting again but couldn't really be "nice" to him although he was trying to make things fine....he wanted to take my car again, i got bit*hy about it and then it escalated into another argument, him saying that "when i got home he might not be there, that i really needed to drop this, that i'm a drama queen, that what? he can't do anything right, that i always find something to complain about, that i better not pick a fight again when i get home...." I told him that i was offended he screamed at me in front of his coworkers who also happen to be my friends, he said i shouldn't care what other people think, that i care too much and now all of a sudden he claims they couldn't hear him (which is BS b/c his work isn't that big and he was definitely patronizing and criticizing me loudly).....we went back and forth, same stuff, he said "he isn't changing, that i have issues with trust and that if i do then i should just dump him".....i said, he didn't get it, that we just need to work things out, can't he be willing to do that, he said we have been going through this for 3 years....then i brought up the moving, he said "yeah, you're dragging your feet, he wants to go but that its all on my shoulders, but of course he wants to go together" ..........its just insanity. How can he threaten me to dump him yet 2 seconds later say he wants to spend his life with me? Why do I always back down when deep down i think i know what needs to happen-at least a break, b/c i really don't know that i want our relationship to be over yet i also am terrified of the unknown, what if i really want to stay with him and as soon as he moves he deems its totally over? Why can i bit*h and argue with him yet never really discuss things? Maybe he totally has some valid points and i DO overreact to stupid s*it.....i also said he treated me like crap and he said that "i don't slap you around in public (he doesn't do it in private either), i treat you well and with respect and you know it"......he tells me that it is him that has to deal with all the b.s.
uggh, i just don't know. maybe i am a drama queen.....i hate the women that act like their SOs should be at their beck and call, i am definitely not like that, i like to think i'm a fairly easy going person and enjoying sharing and all that but for some reason with him i nitpick and "nag" as he says....and i am SO not like that with anyone else. I don't know, perhaps i am like that when i'm in love with someone b/c how can i know when he is the first person i've really been in love with? Yet lately i find myself talking to other guys and thinking "they probably wouldn't blow up like he does....yet i also find myself saying that they aren't as "perfect" for me as he is"............i really feel like i am losing it. ANd my eyes just burn so bad right now. and i feel weird talking to my friends about it b/c i almost don't want to admit or feel the way i do.

You can yell and scream and argue for hours without saying a word because he is an abuser.
CL-Blueliner4
My H has slapped me in the face and two seconds later denied it ever happened! He claims he never said certain things to me and I end up wondering if maybe I just imagined it! They are good at this. I believe they truly have another reality. It makes me nuts. When I told my sister that H was upset because I didn't button up my suit jacket and then said, "You think it looks good to have your fat stomach hanging out?". She gasped in horror. That's what I needed to know that yes, it was a terrible thing to say. It was abusive. He claims he didn't say it or if he did then didn't mean it like that. ????? Who's the crazy one? We live in this world long enough that we suddenly don't know what is normal and what is unacceptable.
If it hurts, it hurts. No matter what he says. You are entitled to your feelings.
Good Luck.
I know that i probably shouldn't move with him but i feel like i don't have the courage to tell him to go and not me......i know that he DOES really love me, and that he isn't 1/10th as bad as some of the other men discussed on this board. The Lundy Bancroft book has helped me understand some things, but i'm even doubting some of that b/c so much in those "self-help" books can be open to interpretaion. And its weird but for the next 2 months our town completely empties out (it is rather seasonal) and so even people that are "kind of good friends" will be gone. And it makes it even more depressing, even my roommate moved away this morning (was always planning on doing so, it had nothing to do with our particular living situation). She was a good friend/listener so that sucks too. But i need to work b/c i am salaried and can't afford unpaid time off.
I don't know, i'm just babbling but am probably in denial that he is 'that bad' b/c i know he has very valid points in our arguments as well, so therefore i am feeling like the crazy one.
Wow, your post so reminded me of something that happened before Eric and I were married.
Peace and hugs,
Cheryl =)
The minute you settle for less than you
Verbal/physical abuse is no laughing matter and I'm not making light of anyone's heartache. It's taken me forever to see what my ex was doing to me and I can now look back and think "what an idiot" he was.
I liked the comment about the "runs with scissors" bit. Also, how Bama1gal's guy would whisper things on purpose and then blame her for not hearing what he said. I would have given him the boot though after the missing condoms. Why do/did we let them treat us so badly?
My ex would always accuse me of saying things I never said or try and deny the things he just said 2 seconds before. I was always "too sensitive", "too analytical" and "too touchy about things because I was a girl". Can you believe it?..yes, you can.
I had bought him a cell phone for Father's Day so that he could have it in case of an emergency with his daughter. No less than 2 weeks later, it somehow ended up in a pool and he had no idea how it got there. He actually walked up to me and took it out of the pocket of his wet swim shorts and told me that "it just stopped working". He denied up and down that it went in the pool so, I took it apart and inside the battery compartment were beads of water. I left him but, he still had to get the last word in so, he left a message on my answering machine saying that obviously, my leaving had alot more to do with me than some $100 phone. No apology, no remorse just his version of "reality".
They truly do live in a completely different world!!!
I went back to him after his endless words of love/desperation and a dozen roses but, the cycle just began again. That 6 months with him was the biggest waste of my time and I think that you can only truly see it when you're out of it. You know it's wrong when you're in it but, you think that you love them and that they love you but, someone that truly loves you doesn't realize it only when they think they've lost you, they should realize it and show it all the time.
Just my 2 cents from a survivor!
Get on with living your own happier reality :)
your post just makes me cringe! It really is almost the same thing. My only "saving grace" is that he WAS (supposedly, and b/c of logistics i think its true) was that he was sharing a room w/two other guys. But who knows. And we had sex this a.m. and it was all i could think about-but you know what? Of course i didn't say anything b/c i knew he'd "fly off the handle" again, calling me names, telling me not to start with him or whatever. So i kept my mouth shut, and he satisfied himself and not me (granted i wasn't into it), which really made me want to say some snide comment but I refrained. BTW, he typically isn't like that, he is ususally very concerned about my satisfaction. And so I have no idea what to think. And he was nice all morning, we're leaving on a weekend trip with a friend of ours (the same one who witnessed the argument two nights ago)....so i feel like the weak one again b/c i don't feeel like "dealing with the drama."
Uggh. Oh, and for whatever it is worth, he doesn't know about that kiss a couple months ago, hopefully it will remain that way. But on the other hand, the guy who i kissed friends (who i don't really know) i think are judging me. But I could be paranoid, b/c I do feel CRAZY!
I think i know what i need to do, but i get sucked into his good charms and sweetness after the evil tirades and twisting and blaming everything on me....to the point i believe him.
thanks again & this does suck!