Am I dealing with a control freak?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Am I dealing with a control freak?
11
Tue, 03-30-2004 - 2:36pm
I'm back, a few days after posting my "I'm so hurt" post, about my husband telling me my body is "gross" (I'm 5'5" and weigh 139).

Last night he sent me an e-mail with an attachment called "dolphins and whales". When I opened it, there was a pic of very slim naked women swimming, titled "dolphins". Under it was a pic of naked women whose one leg was the size of my entire body, and it said "whales". After that, he sent me an e-mail saying "you're on your way to being a whale". Under that, he added "just kidding!". Hmmmm, WAS he kidding? Or was he just trying to be mean?

Then today, at 2 o'clock, I went upstairs to run bath water so I could get ready to go to Curves to work out. I'm in the bathroom with the bathtub filling, and I'm literally sitting on the commode urinating when the bathroom door bursts open and he says "you're NOT taking a bath now, I have to be at the tire store to have my tires put on at 3 o'clock, I need to shower NOW", and he turns my bath water off and drains the tub!

Needless to say, we had words. I asked him if he had told me he needed the bathroom at 2 o'clock, or if he just assumed I could read his mind. He said "well, I told you yesterday I had a 3 o'clock appointment for the tires, you should have known I'd need to shower first". I said "well, I'm going out too, and I need to take a bath and wash my hair". Now he says "going to Curves isn't as important as getting new tires". GRRRRRRR.

Okay, I'll grant you, he had a specific appointed time, and I have a few hours leeway with Curves, but it was the WAY he did it and said it, bursting into the bathroom screaming and red-faced like I just shot his dog or something. If he had knocked on the door and said "would you mind if I shower first, I have that appointment for my tires", it would have been fine, I'm not unreasonable.

Everything has to be a confrontation with him, especially the little things that most people would just shrug off without a second thought. And the older he gets, the worse he gets.

I can't afford to go out on my own, our debt is over a hundred grand, and I'd be personally responsible for half of it. Jobs here don't pay well, especially for women. I have what is considered a GREAT paying job here, and I get 8 bucks an hour (and no benefits cuz they won't give anyone full time). I have no skills to speak of, no college at all. If I divorced him, I'd lose everything I worked for all my life and I'd probably end up bankrupt to boot.

He's never been physically abusive, but good Lord, this attitude of his is hard to take sometimes.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-10-2004
Wed, 04-14-2004 - 8:24am
i2you,

Another one for the 20+ club. I was married 27 years and actually dated him for 3 years before that, so now we got 30. My thoughts not long ago were on the same path as yours. I worked hard to build up our retirement so we could do alot of neat things together. Even though things weren't the greatest, I thought, well they could be worse. Alot of other people are in worse shape. Well they got worse and I stilled tried to stick it out. Then my health and mental state were starting to be deeply affected by abusive Wendell. When I came to this board I had no intention of leaving the jerk, but as I got educated on what truly was happening, I realized that there would be no Terry to enjoy the retirement anyway.

I have been out almost 5 months. When everything started coming down, I was really scared. I still have a long way to go, but I cannot believe the person that is in the mirror today.

Do what you must, but when you need to vent, we're here.

Terry

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