Am I fooling myself?
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Am I fooling myself?
| Thu, 07-08-2004 - 4:37am |
Let me start out by telling you a little about myself. I am 26 years old and have been married for 8 1/2 years. I have three children. Since my husband and I have been together, we have had problems. In the beginning years he was out all the time and I stayed with the kids. I was young and in a bad situation. During this time he was physically abusive. He used to justify it by saying that if I treated him better and did what I was supposed to he wouldnt hit me. Or like he would say "I didnt hit you I pushed you". And then about 4 years ago he actually stopped hitting and pushing. and it was a rare occasion. it still is. But now he verbally abuses me. He tells me things like "you are nothing without me" You dont have any money" You are a bad mom" etc.etc. Now after the birth of our last child which was one year ago he has really helped with the baby. He is a good father and has never physically or verbally abused them. But with me I am supposedely the reason we have problems. Because I dont have a job and because I dont want to cook all the time etc.etc. I will admit that I am a SAHM and I take care of my children very well. But I dont always like to cook. But that doesnt mean I am a bad person. He never sees the good things I do. I mean there are some good days but then the bad days come and I feel so alone. What I want to know is that is it possible for our marriage to be saved. I feel like I choose this path when we decided to have kids young and its my responsibility to our children that I let them be here with their dad. I love my husband but I am so worn down from all the negative remarks. And here I go saying its not an everyday thing. Please let me stress it. I guess I am trying not to make him sound so bad. How dumb is that I am even defending him. I mean I wish he would always be caring and loving and sweet like I see him on some days. And with the kids its like they get the best of their dad and I get all the frustration. When we do talk he will acknowledge his has issues and says he will change but here comes a few days later and he gets angry because I was 10 minutes late taking him lunch, I get crapped on and the week goes on like nothing happened. Someone please give me your input. Thanks and I am sorry for rambling on.

I am also 26 and have two children. I have been with my stbxh since I was 16. We have been married for 2 of those years. He was the same way leaving me at home with the kids while he did what he wanted. He would go out drinking w/his buddies or he wouldn't come home from work till late cause he would stop by their houses. I can only remember maybe two physical outburts before the one in Jan, but there was always verbal and emotional abuse, and a lot of times that is even worse. I always stayed because of the kids, but when they witnessed him attacking me in Jan that was the last straw. I left and haven't gone back. I am not gonna say it has been easy. He was my life for 10 years and I do love him, but I am not in love with him. I don't want to live my life walking around on eggshells. Thats how it got to be. I didn't even want to go home at night. He did try and change the last month we were together, by taking total responsibility for the kids and the house. All I had to do was get up and get ready for work. He would have the kids ready, coffee made, lunches packed. He would pick them up in the evenings and have dinner done when I got home, bathe the kids and put them to bed.The month of him trying to change just didn't make up for the years of sh*& he put me through though. Good luck and if you need to talk, emai me girley1219@yahoo.com. I lurk here quite often, but don't post too much anymore.
Christina