Am I right to take it slow?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-01-2003
Am I right to take it slow?
2
Fri, 07-23-2004 - 8:20pm
The end of January I left my husband and took our 2 year old son with me, we went to a shelter for four months and we are now finally in our own place. I got a TRO and it is good for a year. After four months of having the TRO I went and requested that it be dropped. I am not saying that I am going back to my H, however he seems to be changing for the better. Of course when I first left he did the I can't live with out you guys, I can't change on my own. But now he has gotten in to cousneling, with a professional and his pastor, he is in an anger management group, he says that he realizes he hurt me, but at the time did not realize it (whether that is true or not I don't know), he now understands how I felt when he would yell at me. No one told him to go to counseling, or get in to anger management, he said that he decided that it was time and he knows he has a problem with his anger. He does not blame me anymore for what happen, when before he would say if I did not do this or that, then he would not have had to do this or that. He knows that I refuse to leave the area where my DS and I are at now, as DS is getting all of the help he needs for his autism and doing great with that. So my husband has started putting in applications in the area I'm at now. He said that if he got a job down there he can get his own place until such a time as I decide what I want.

I told him I would drop the TRO and put the divorce on hold but that he had better not pressure or harrass me in to anything or I would get the TRO re-instated (he don't know that it is not that easy to do once it has been dropped before the year is up or at lest inmy state), because I am not sure yet that I want to go back and that he stills needs to work on his problems, he agreed with me and said he understood. He said that I can go as slow as I want in dedciding if I want to go back to him. I told him it would be at least a year as I am going to finish my last year of school come HELL or HIGH WATER!! He said that is fine. I read the post "how to tell if he is changing and from what I can tell he is really trying, but am I right to take it slow and not just jump back into it, I want to be really sure that he is changing and not just till I come back. Any ideas or other suggestion? Thanks to all of you.

Angel

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Fri, 07-23-2004 - 8:30pm

To be perfectly honest Angel, I don't think you should have dropped the RO at all.


Abuse is not anger management.

CL-Blueliner4

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 07-24-2004 - 12:26pm

Well, sending you e-mails claiming he would change if you changed didn’t work for him.

When someone shows you who they are, believe them.

- Maya Angelou