Am I ungrateful, Am I making it worse?
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| Sun, 10-16-2005 - 9:17am |
Husband has always gotten me something for Sweetest Day, that's one thing he is very good at acknowledging all the hallmark holidays...which is supposed to make everything better around here if you know what I mean.
Sure enough something was delivered Friday and he asked me to not open until Saturday. Luckily I got him something too, nothing big, as a token effort to keep him at bay.
Well Saturday was a hectic day and I had children playing with my daughter pretty much all day so I had to deal with all that plus decorate for a halloween party my dd is having next Saturday. All this while my husband watched football. I was pretty flustered by the time 5:30 came around, and I happened to mention that I've just been running all the day to him and of course he immediately said, why are you so crabby, when I really wasn't I was just venting a little that I had a rough day. (Could you imagine if I sat and watched TV all day and he had to deal with 5 kids in the house?) I hate when he says that to me whenever he says that I am flustered and running around, to him that crabby. So of course I said, please stop saying that. I am not crabby, but you saying so has now made me crabby. So he starts on again about my attitude and that I just came in to bother him. So I just wound up leaving taking my dd to the mall eating there, stopping at a friend's house to visit and so my daughter could play with her friend and didn't come home until 11:30 p.m.
He was already in bed and called me to come up. When I came into the bedroom, he had a gift on my side of the bed and he said to me that he had a gift for me and that he was waiting all night for me to come home so he could give it to me. He then said it was for Sweetest Day even though it was over already (like that matters...)but like I dork I said no it's still not midnight then he said well it's barely. I was like boy I am supposed to get really excited with that reception, and he noticed that I wasn't jumping for joy (I wonder why) and so he said I could tell you're really excited, just don't open it so I can send it back. So I didn't and just left it on the dresser.
The problem is that I can't even say that I wish he would talk to me like a normal person but it's pointless to get through to him because he always thinks he's done nothing wrong.
Now I am wondering if I was being childish and should I just give him what I got him so I can keep him at bay. I am also afraid if I act sulky I will make things worse, so maybe I should just pretend to be happy and grateful that he got me something so as not to make thinngs worse?
Sorry about this being so long..

Because you're still living with him and still subjected to daily abuse, you're probably not able to see clearly how much he's still controlling you, even though you've begun to separate from him emotionally. His abuse is making you doubt yourself, and you shouldn't. You should trust your feelings.
If I were you, I'd take his present back and buy something nice for someone who deserves it, and don't let yourself feel a bit guilty for it.
And about his calling you crabby...I can totally relate to that. There were times when I was tired or sick or sad, and my ex would start saying that I was a big grouch, and he'd get all crappy with me, even though I hadn't said or done anything bad to him. It's like I was never allowed to have a bad day or to ever feel off in any way. What?? Are we supposed to walk around with Barbie Doll smiles on our faces all the time? It's just more garabage from the mouths of abusive men. Don't listen to him. Just tune him out, and think of the happier days ahead when he won't be around.