and the verdict is .....

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2005
and the verdict is .....
1
Tue, 03-14-2006 - 2:58pm

"I cant help you "this is what the therapist told my stbx H .Referred him to a psychiatrist,bc "you need meds" and said that if he heard sucide one more time that the privacy policy goes out the window,and "you will be in a straight jacket and a rubber room "

So he is going Monday to see the Doc.The therapist also told him that It was clear that I didnt want to reconcile....laeving him asking ME "is that true?"

If I answer that ..I have to deal with him ...

I AM happy that he is "getting help" but it will have no impact on our relatioship,,,it is over ...WOOHOO !!!!!!!

Even though he tells me its not my fault... I cant help but feel it is in some way ,...he did tell me he needed me to do more, and that he wasnt feeling connected to me because of the distance ...But he really didnt give me a c

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2004
Tue, 03-14-2006 - 3:54pm

Read "The Gift of Fear" by Gavin de Becker for suggestions on how exactly to implement No Contact. But, here is what I would do, from what I remember of it.

Don't call him back. If and when he calls you, tell him, "I no longer wish to be in a relationship with you, nor to be friends with you. That is not going to change, ever. You are to cease contacting me, phoning, writing, or e-mailing me. I intend to get on with my life, and I suggest you do the same." Then, don't respond again, no matter what he says or does. (Caller ID would be good to have here.) It will take quite awhile, don't get me wrong, but when it does he will stop trying.

One thing about the suicide threats. In my experience, those are just another tactic. I can think of a very, very few women whose abusers did just that, and they are few and far between. More often, it goes like it did for me. Leon-the-Loony threatened to kill himself once too many, and out of frustration, I blurted out, "Fine. Do it." Loony is, to the best of my knowledge, still kicking six years later, and I never heard that one again. Obviously, you can never *know* with certainty if they really mean it or not, but this seems to predominate.

Image hosted by Photobucket.com