any insight on this..

Avatar for winter2007
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2006
any insight on this..
12
Tue, 12-27-2011 - 8:08pm

consider this scenario. He yells at her for spilling her food in her clothes, she gets so upset that she takes off alone, not running away, but away from him. i try to pacify, I am shouted and screamed at by her and told to leave her alone. She wants his apology and it isn't coming. what is happening and what is solution. My take on it is - even if she felt slighted by his behavior, she can't run helter skelter in an unknown crowded place - it is unsafe. But when I try to intervene, I am insulted by her and (almost) verbal abused.

Am I correct in assuming that he made her feel so bad that she couldnt take it, and decided to get away alone. But at same time doesnt want the (person who is mild mannered - the mom) to have to do anything. Kat, any insight.

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Avatar for cajunharmony
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2001
Tue, 12-27-2011 - 8:27pm

Simple answer?

Mama Harmony

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2000
Tue, 12-27-2011 - 11:04pm

What

Avatar for queen_brat
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 12-28-2011 - 8:52am

I am starting to wonder if there is something in the air getting to these girls and making them take out what they can't hande on us!! My oldest is 17 and most days the most umnderstanding person you will meet but when she is in a mood watch out mno one can do anything rigt!! I have even told her boyfriend he should not put up with how she treats him. I have tried talking to her about it but it ends up in a screaming match. We had a couple of fights on Christmas because she thinks she should be able to tell me what to do. One thing she gives me a hard time about is spending time with my boyfriend, she likes him when it suits her and over reacts to things that are not her bussiness, because we never get to see each other but when I am home she isn't. I pointed out on Chistmas day how she wanted to go to her boyfriends and if I had done that she would have flipped. Well she flipped anyway and I was accused of picking a fight but I was cam and she coud have gone over, it was after dinner, but didn't but didn't spend time with us. Monday I took off from work and again she wasn't home so Iet her know this and again I was accused of starting a fight. We had a nice little talk last night and she was told when she starts there will be consequences and one will be the boyfriend will go home, some days I think the boy lives here and no one has told me lol. Trying to find what will work with her (sigh).

Could it be that she knows your right about dad and doesnt want to admit to it? I do wonder sometimes if that is why my DD snaps at me. Could it be she doesn't want to admit to it because then she would have to leave him and can't see leaving though that at this point?


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Avatar for winter2007
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2006
Wed, 12-28-2011 - 12:22pm

I only intervened because it was in a crowded public place (and I happened to be there). Lesson learnt - never go to any place where he is there. But by letting her deal with it her own way, I just hope it doesn't come to a place where she takes some extreme step. My counselor had said..she has seen kids who have even been sexually abused by the dad, but they still crave his acceptance.

Avatar for winter2007
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2006
Wed, 12-28-2011 - 12:27pm

Who knows - I think she knows what he is, but is unwilling to make the break. I just hope it wont be too late. But question is - does she start getting away because she can't take it anymore..and is angry? I guess that is what it is- but what frustrates me is, she doesn't think I am good enough. Years of him downplaying me, she obviously believes I am a weak, gutless person who cannot be respected.

Avatar for cajunharmony
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2001
Wed, 12-28-2011 - 1:55pm

Winter, your dd doesn't respect you because she learned that from your husband.

Mama Harmony

Avatar for winter2007
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2006
Wed, 12-28-2011 - 3:01pm

Ok..thanks..I know it appears like I keep reposting same old same old, but hearing you validate it again..does help. Thanks again. I have my answer..and actually just spoke to atty. He says to go ahead with serving next week. lets see what happens. And after the drama from few days back, I have stopped going there as well.

Avatar for tobermory
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2001
Wed, 12-28-2011 - 5:42pm

That is excellent news, Winter. I think now that you are moving forward you will start to get some of your power back.

Tobermory

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Wed, 12-28-2011 - 7:37pm

Please someone clarify this for me.. I dont understand if this man is acting like a crazy lunatic how does he get away with it. Lets say the neighbors call the police and they come because he is acting all nuts on Winter and the DD..

Shouldnt he be arrested and have a police paper trail..and that might stop him at that point.

I know when I left home many moons ago my ex stalked me and I got so much paper police trails on him that he stopped for good and that worked.. I had to stay strong and get restraining orders and tons of paperwork but after all of that he didnt bother me.Mine went to court and got charged with Terroristic Threats . He got a slap on the wrist but still he could have lost his job and his house.

Avatar for winter2007
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2006
Thu, 12-29-2011 - 1:43pm

"Please someone clarify this for me.. I dont understand if this man is acting like a crazy lunatic how does he get away with it. Lets say the neighbors call the police and they come because he is acting all nuts on Winter and the DD.."

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