Is anyone else here without sex too?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Is anyone else here without sex too?
10
Thu, 04-07-2005 - 10:14am

Just sitting here thinking about things -

Is there anyon else here whos other half/partner does not show any interest in sex whatsoever.

Would love to now if im the only one !!

Tracey x

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-1997
Thu, 04-07-2005 - 11:04am

LB,

I'm happily divorced now, but when I was married, my abusive XH was really into hard-core porn and had little interest in being intimate with me. We weren't intimate often, but most of the time I had to initiate and ESPN had to be on in the background at his insistence.

A lack of interest on your guy's part is just another way of exerting control over you.

If he's into porn, it's probably where he's finding his sexual fulfillment.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2005
Thu, 04-07-2005 - 5:59pm
I speak from personal experience when I say this,...toward the end of our relationship, sex became nearly non existant.
5yrssm 
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Thu, 04-07-2005 - 6:27pm

Same with me.

CL-Blueliner4

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Thu, 04-07-2005 - 6:28pm
Throughout my whole marriage sex was almost extinct...starting from the day I told my abusive STBX that I was pregnant. That was 2 months into our relationship. After my DD was born it was at best 5x a year, and then last year it was 2x. Now he's gone and I am glad!
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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Thu, 04-07-2005 - 10:00pm
Yep. It became pretty infrequent after out 1st 6 mo or so of marriage. It was a MIRICALE, lol, i got pg by our 1 yr anniversary, since we had had sex like once in 2 months at that time. (prior to marriage, we did it a LOT!). Over the next 6 years .... Sloooooooooooooooowly decreased to literally, maybe once a YEAR ... even LESS. Between the booze, i wouldnt sleep w/ him if he was drunk, b/w the antidepressants he was one, he had no sex drive, & b/w the fact i was always pissed off at him .... its no wonder.

R~

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2004
Thu, 04-07-2005 - 11:36pm

I have a different angle. He wanted to and I didn't. Not a day went by where he didn't say something to make me feel small, like a scolded child, afraid, hurt etc. That kills the drive really quick. He was putting serious pressure on me for it too. Several things might happen in this case. He would try to initiate it, expect me to do something unnatural or painful, and get angry when I wouldn't. He would hurt my feelings about something else, try to initiate it, then get angry because I was still feeling hurt from the insults only an hour or less before. He would out of the blue tell me about how other women were flirting with him and propositioning him, nearly ask for an award for not sleeping with them by telling me that I am an iceberg and would have deserved it anyway, try to initiate it, and get even more angry if I was not in the mood because of being compared to other women and insulted. I did try to explain why these things hurt me but it never sunk in.

Also, he used to grope me in public. He was always pinching and putting his hand in places that made me mighty uncomfortable in public. For instance, I would dread using an elevator with him. I would hope anxiously for someone to come and ride it with us because I knew what would happen if we were alone. Once the door closed, he would, unsolicited, push me roughly against the wall and start to do the groping but in a much more rough way. I can't really explain why this bothered me. I guess I had a feeling of being violated. I didn't want it, but I couldn't say no because of what his reaction might be for that. He was a bit animal like and it felt aweful.

What I did want: Someone to say sweet things to me, gently initiate something but not force the issue, and gently touch me in a loving way that made me feel like a respectable lady rather than a cheap sleeze. It's not that I don't like to be touched (he always accused me of that), its that I want to be touched in some other way. I don't know how to say it, just something different than what I got.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Fri, 04-08-2005 - 12:06am

You hit it right on the head, Lucky!

CL-Blueliner4

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2003
Fri, 04-08-2005 - 3:06pm
I remember having sex once in the last 18 months. I can't say it bothered me though, all the constant mind games and belittling hardly put me in the mood.
One of these games was to lead me to believe that he was having an affair with a colleague of his. When I directly confronted him, he got all upset, started crying and demanded to know how I could think such a thing. What I didn't get a chance to tell him was that I was gutted that he wasn't. The only reason I asked him was so I could find her address and dump his stuff!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Fri, 04-08-2005 - 10:12pm
I will say, that is the ONE thing i could count on mine to be, was very supportive & loving in a crisis. When my mom was dying, i sobbed, & afterwards, i lay in bed & sobbed nightly for WEEKS. He hugged me & let me cry, whenever, wherever i needed it. For that anyway, i will always be thankful to him. (but nothing else!lol)

R~

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2005
Sat, 04-09-2005 - 7:05pm
Hi Tracey!
This might sound strange but here goes. My husband has a HUGE sexual appetite. He thinks I am weird because I don't want it 24 hours a day. The sex is just another way he controls me. He is a beer drinker and he goes soft easily while having sex. Then he rolls over. Angry. The sex is not fulfilling. It actually hurts. God I am tearing up explaining this. When you know that they think you are insignificant and they put you down off and on all day the thought of sex turns your stomach. What I really want is a converstaion. A decent one with an educated person who is interested in what I have to say. I'll skip the sex, thanks....