Is anyone else here without sex too?
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Is anyone else here without sex too?
| Thu, 04-07-2005 - 10:14am |
Just sitting here thinking about things -
Is there anyon else here whos other half/partner does not show any interest in sex whatsoever.
Would love to now if im the only one !!
Tracey x

LB,
I'm happily divorced now, but when I was married, my abusive XH was really into hard-core porn and had little interest in being intimate with me. We weren't intimate often, but most of the time I had to initiate and ESPN had to be on in the background at his insistence.
A lack of interest on your guy's part is just another way of exerting control over you.
If he's into porn, it's probably where he's finding his sexual fulfillment.
Same with me.
CL-Blueliner4
R~
I have a different angle. He wanted to and I didn't. Not a day went by where he didn't say something to make me feel small, like a scolded child, afraid, hurt etc. That kills the drive really quick. He was putting serious pressure on me for it too. Several things might happen in this case. He would try to initiate it, expect me to do something unnatural or painful, and get angry when I wouldn't. He would hurt my feelings about something else, try to initiate it, then get angry because I was still feeling hurt from the insults only an hour or less before. He would out of the blue tell me about how other women were flirting with him and propositioning him, nearly ask for an award for not sleeping with them by telling me that I am an iceberg and would have deserved it anyway, try to initiate it, and get even more angry if I was not in the mood because of being compared to other women and insulted. I did try to explain why these things hurt me but it never sunk in.
Also, he used to grope me in public. He was always pinching and putting his hand in places that made me mighty uncomfortable in public. For instance, I would dread using an elevator with him. I would hope anxiously for someone to come and ride it with us because I knew what would happen if we were alone. Once the door closed, he would, unsolicited, push me roughly against the wall and start to do the groping but in a much more rough way. I can't really explain why this bothered me. I guess I had a feeling of being violated. I didn't want it, but I couldn't say no because of what his reaction might be for that. He was a bit animal like and it felt aweful.
What I did want: Someone to say sweet things to me, gently initiate something but not force the issue, and gently touch me in a loving way that made me feel like a respectable lady rather than a cheap sleeze. It's not that I don't like to be touched (he always accused me of that), its that I want to be touched in some other way. I don't know how to say it, just something different than what I got.
You hit it right on the head, Lucky!
CL-Blueliner4
One of these games was to lead me to believe that he was having an affair with a colleague of his. When I directly confronted him, he got all upset, started crying and demanded to know how I could think such a thing. What I didn't get a chance to tell him was that I was gutted that he wasn't. The only reason I asked him was so I could find her address and dump his stuff!
R~
This might sound strange but here goes. My husband has a HUGE sexual appetite. He thinks I am weird because I don't want it 24 hours a day. The sex is just another way he controls me. He is a beer drinker and he goes soft easily while having sex. Then he rolls over. Angry. The sex is not fulfilling. It actually hurts. God I am tearing up explaining this. When you know that they think you are insignificant and they put you down off and on all day the thought of sex turns your stomach. What I really want is a converstaion. A decent one with an educated person who is interested in what I have to say. I'll skip the sex, thanks....