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| Thu, 03-30-2006 - 10:07am |
After I wrote this it made me feel slightly better. I feel that I'm standing up for myself. I can't stand that he will always think this. I know I shouldn't care but I was with him for a long time and I can't help it. Do you think it would be ok to drop this in his mailbox?
There are some things I want you to know. I did NOT break up with you for someone else. I broke up with you because you were hurting me. I have NOT been with anyone else! This is a fact that I swear on. I am NOT dating or involved with anyone and neither do I plan to be. I am NOT addicted to sex. I am NOT a slut or a whore. All of your destruction (over $4,000 according to the insurance company) was for nothing. I can forgive you for that. I accept resposibility for any times that I hurt you during our relationship and am truly sorry. However, I will not accept that I am a slut.
This hurts very much and I am getting help to get through this. I will remember the good times we had together.

I agree 100% with sweetdreams on this one. I know how you feel, strong, I too wanted to "change" his mind about me so that I could end things without the accusations. But I eventually came to realize that is NOT possible. Sweetdreams is right. He will ALWAYS always see you as the bad guy and himself as the victim. His abusive beliefs prevent him from seeing the truth. I also agree that you should write letters but keep them to yourself. Writing my thoughts and feeling down helps me heal. But I know now that it won't make one possitive difference with my abuser.
My abuser would constantly accuse me of seeing someone, or turning my back on Jesus, or being a gold digger... accusation after accusation. Anything to push my buttons and get me to respond to him. But after responding again and again to his accusations and never getting anywhere, I finally learned to "let it go." And I've cut off all contact and I feel great. My mind is starting to get back to normal. Look for validation here, or by reading the books sweetdreams mentioned, or from your friends and family. Your light will shine and you will NOT need him to see the truth for you to feel/get better. Take care,
Love,
Loonybunny
I am new but unfortuately all of our situations sound alike. Abusers LOVE to manipulate our minds into making US feel like WE are the ones to blame. This jerk has the nerve to damage your personal things -- $4000 worth and wants to blame YOU for it happening? You don't owe him anything. I am going to put it to you from his perspective. If you send that all he is going to say to you is yea right you cheated and you know it. It will be a VICIOUS cycle and he will end up making you feel like you were to blame for what happened and it is your fault your stuff is damaged. These men are cowards to not be able to stand up admit what they have done and change it. Instead they continue to control us by making us to feel as if we are to blame. By making contact with him you let him know that what he did was ok, because you are still trying to talk to him. Don't give him the satisfaction-- you don't owe him a damn thing. I know you are hurt right now, I have problems with my abuser too. We have a son together and were together for a long time and even though he has done horendously terrible things to me, I still check my phone to see if he has called and I still have urges to call him. But that is part of the abuse. I won't call him. He is a sick human being and I feel sorry for him-- another part of the sickness! Please email me and we can keep in touch and help each other through this. I don't want you to go back to him and be hurt even more than what you have been-- things won't ever change I promise. It's going to be hard, but SO worth it!!
Hang in there!
Sondra
Oh, hon, it won't do any good. You see, he doesn't CARE how you feel, or that he is telling a pack of lies. In his world, he is right, he is God, he gets to do what he wants, end of story. Getting him to understand will be like trying to get a pig to tap dance, utterly useless. He doesn't WANT to understand. If he was the type who cared about your feelings or understanding you, he wouldn't have done the things he did in the first place.
Now, about what Sweetdreams said. There is something you can do. Write the letters, put everything into them that you want to, but don't send them. Save them, and when you feel ready, burn them. It can be a way to let go of frustrations and say what you want to say without contacting him.
I agree that the only thing contacting him is going to achieve is to let him think he has a way in, and he will start harassing you. I totally understand how hard it is to let this go and to not be able to get through to him, but sadly, that's the nature of abusers- they don't want to be gotten through to.
Totally agree with the others.
If you want to receive e-mails you need to go into board settings and enable the e-mail setting.
strong
strong