baby in hospital!!!!!!!!!!
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baby in hospital!!!!!!!!!!
| Sat, 10-07-2006 - 9:49pm |
my son was a premie he was born 16 weeks early now on Thursday I took him to the doctors because he wasn't acting ok. When I got there he completely stopped breathing and had to be bagged and put on oxygen and taken to the intensive care unit. I called his dad and he came down from up north. I didn't put the restraining order on file so that he wouldn't be looked at funny or well I just didn't want to deal with it and also I didn't think he would start an argument with me while there. Well first of all he started to grumble about me not going to the hospital sooner and so forth well I did everything the doctor told me and I got to the office earlier then I was suppose to. So anyway this afternoon he called me and asked me if I was still planning on filing for joint costudy I told him no but that if he chose to move closer to here then I would (hes 200miles away) so he gets really angry with me and tells me this is not my decision to make and that he's the father so it should be his choice too and he's not crazy he wouldn't take his son so far away while he was sick. Hes a premie so even when hes relatively healthy he can slide backwards any minute. anyway he starts to tell me that I'm taking his son away and that I'm abusive and trying to control his life by not letting him take the baby for 3 1/2 days a week. Are you kidding me? hes not your personal toy. and hes only 6 lbs. at almost 5 months old. To travel that far 2x a week. no way.
I told him that if he wants to see him hes welcome to come here and do it here.
why is he making it so difficult for me?(I know why) but it just makes me so frustrated because babies in the hospital he's on the phone in his room yelling at me. telling me I'm inconsiderate and he's put up with so much from me then he tells me that I was the one who hit him and he keeps yelling into the phone... well when I was pregnant 3 years ago he was being very mean to me and ignoring me during an argument and I was laying next to him in bed hystericly crying because I was so hurt by him while he was covering his ears I hit him on the chest 3 or 4 times in frustrating not out of anger and I know he didn't feel threatened by me. So anyway fast forward to this summer my sister had a coctail party and he got drunk and called me stupid and told me to hush up in front of a room full of people. well since I've leared to ignore a lot of his comments I didn't say anything but my sisters friend did and he yelled and screamed and looked really angry so I left my sister ended up breaking a plate in front of him(not on him or near him) to get him to stop shouting and leave. well he came downstairs and yelled and screamed and called me and my family awful awful things I wanted him to leave he refused so I tried to pull/push him out of my house. It didn't work and again I doubt he felt like I was going to hurt him.
Then he went on to tell the nurses that I stopped breast feeding because I drink and smoke. I do not. I smoke yes but out of the house and when I come back in I change my shirt and wash my hands face and teeth. (it can be harmful to premies even on clothes) so then I go out on average everyother week and my mom stayes with the baby at my house and I would never be around the baby drunk. Well I'm so angry with his behavior. Then he was suppose to spend the night with the baby tonight and me tomorrow because we do on off days so that we can both be there. Well he has his mom call and tell me that he can't be there tonight because he's babysitting is niece. IS HE SERIOUS. so I'm like ok well I'll spend the night but then it made me angry so I called and told him that he needs to let me know well in advance when he chooses to do this and that he cant just switch days when he wants because I have plans too. Well he tells me that he's explained to my why and that was that and hung up the phone.
SOOOOO angry at him right now. So when I got to the hospital I gave security and the nurses the restraining order it just says he cant herass(sp?) me basically but he can still be around me and it's not a stay away order. Anyway I feel so upset.
I'm none of these things he says I am I just need to get it out so that I don't dwell on it. I almost want to laugh at his absurd negative words. he says he hates the person I've become. Why becasue I'm actually standing up to him? Shouldn't he be consentrating on his son right now instead of this crap. And he's baby sitting so he cant really were are the priorities. I don't need this right now. Babies ok by the way well he got moved out of the intensive care unit and is on the floor waiting for more tests and he might have to go home on oxygen. He is going no where.
anyway thank you for listening
I told him that if he wants to see him hes welcome to come here and do it here.
why is he making it so difficult for me?(I know why) but it just makes me so frustrated because babies in the hospital he's on the phone in his room yelling at me. telling me I'm inconsiderate and he's put up with so much from me then he tells me that I was the one who hit him and he keeps yelling into the phone... well when I was pregnant 3 years ago he was being very mean to me and ignoring me during an argument and I was laying next to him in bed hystericly crying because I was so hurt by him while he was covering his ears I hit him on the chest 3 or 4 times in frustrating not out of anger and I know he didn't feel threatened by me. So anyway fast forward to this summer my sister had a coctail party and he got drunk and called me stupid and told me to hush up in front of a room full of people. well since I've leared to ignore a lot of his comments I didn't say anything but my sisters friend did and he yelled and screamed and looked really angry so I left my sister ended up breaking a plate in front of him(not on him or near him) to get him to stop shouting and leave. well he came downstairs and yelled and screamed and called me and my family awful awful things I wanted him to leave he refused so I tried to pull/push him out of my house. It didn't work and again I doubt he felt like I was going to hurt him.
Then he went on to tell the nurses that I stopped breast feeding because I drink and smoke. I do not. I smoke yes but out of the house and when I come back in I change my shirt and wash my hands face and teeth. (it can be harmful to premies even on clothes) so then I go out on average everyother week and my mom stayes with the baby at my house and I would never be around the baby drunk. Well I'm so angry with his behavior. Then he was suppose to spend the night with the baby tonight and me tomorrow because we do on off days so that we can both be there. Well he has his mom call and tell me that he can't be there tonight because he's babysitting is niece. IS HE SERIOUS. so I'm like ok well I'll spend the night but then it made me angry so I called and told him that he needs to let me know well in advance when he chooses to do this and that he cant just switch days when he wants because I have plans too. Well he tells me that he's explained to my why and that was that and hung up the phone.
SOOOOO angry at him right now. So when I got to the hospital I gave security and the nurses the restraining order it just says he cant herass(sp?) me basically but he can still be around me and it's not a stay away order. Anyway I feel so upset.
I'm none of these things he says I am I just need to get it out so that I don't dwell on it. I almost want to laugh at his absurd negative words. he says he hates the person I've become. Why becasue I'm actually standing up to him? Shouldn't he be consentrating on his son right now instead of this crap. And he's baby sitting so he cant really were are the priorities. I don't need this right now. Babies ok by the way well he got moved out of the intensive care unit and is on the floor waiting for more tests and he might have to go home on oxygen. He is going no where.
anyway thank you for listening

I'm so sorry to hear about what you are going through right now.
I hope by the time you see this the baby is doing better. Please let us know. We are always here to listen.
Aside from the restraining order, what other legal action have you taken? Were you two married? During this time, don't forget to take care of yourself.
Hang in there!
and although I don't really want everyone to hate him. I also want them to understand that he was hugely abusive to me. It's like I want validation from everyone. but I do have a huge support system and lots of people to talk to and an advocate and a counselor and a lawyer. (i'm not rich but these resouces are out there) hes never physically hurt me. I still feel afraid sometimes. it's always sitting at the pit of my stomach because I'm afraid he'll take the baby and go far away and something will happen. Sorry for the continued rant.
I'm waiting for the heating guy to come and then I'm going up to the hospital. THank you again
Rant away! That's why we are here.
Glad to hear you have legal representation.
I know what you mean about the validation. My H is an "upstanding" member of the community. He is active in the church and often plays the religion card with me. Some people will never see the real him - others see the truth. Can't change other people's opinions but trust yourself and you instincts. You aren't crazy, selfish, or anything els he has told you. You may not be perfect (none of us are) but he's the one with this particular problem.
Hugs!!
your story hit a chord with me because i too had a premature infant. my son was born 3 months early. he weighed 2lbs 12 oz. that was in january 1992. he came home on a heart monitor. it was so scary and so very stressful. (his twin sister was not so lucky, she died inutero 5 weeks before he was born) today, he is taller than me, smart, whitty, happy, healthy. he will be 15 soon. he talks about a career in the military and making a difference in the world. he is a blessing and i love him more than life itself.
stay positive with your baby. remember the power of touch. hold your baby as often as allowed, therapuetic massage, and cuddling. good luck and best wishes!!
C
Edited 10/9/2006 10:34 pm ET by whatabadidea