Baby steps....
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| Fri, 10-21-2005 - 7:41pm |
A little background: I have been married for 24 and have taken 3 hits or smacks of physical abuse, but worse for my head is the emotional abuse. It's what I call mind XXXX, and worse still using my kids who are now adults to go against me. They have seen no respect and thanks to my STBX I just about lost my DD. She hates me, won't talk to her and there is no greater pain. She has her lst "love" and I am completely out of the picture. My DH goes to great lengths to defend her against me in other words her and I are on the same level in his opinion; he sits us down like two dd's and questions us.
Of course, she changes stories and butters him up and always ends up gettng her way even when she does not deserve a privlege. She was ticketed for driving w.out a license and speedng and DH actually said yeah so was I a couple of time OMGG.
Anyway, I was finally able to get off my butt, and a little out of this depressing funk and got myself a part-time job. One of the leaders on this board said to me, read the info on the board, learn why you cannot leave, call the national hotline if need be, and yah know what I did !!!
Talked to wonderful counselors who understood, and referred me to someone local. I call on Monday and get lst counseling appt. set. and with this new job I will be able to do it, I have to. I have to salvage anything I can for my beautiful DD and pray to God it is not to late for us. I am tired of being physcially emotionally and mentally abused. I am no longer afraid of being alone. I almost enjoy it, and look forward to it. Talk to him about DD's behavior has become a waste of time. I will look at counseling as a way to get to know where to start.
As I sit here, on a Friday nite at 7:39 I am alone as he is at a Halloween party, and can give a dam anymore, he lives his life as a single man, which in a convaluted way, helps me, in the aspect that there will be NO fear of being alone. I have been alone 22 years already. I cannot wait to setup lst appt. Monday, and start counseling. I must admit aside from my DH I am soooo alone. Everyone else seems to have their stuff together. Where am I now on a Fri. night LOOL...O well...hopefully I can make new friends with a support group or something. Most important get a relationship back with DD, it amazes me the kids think nothing of his hitting and smacking me. I was the one always there for them. Well enuf of the past, forward now for me and the kids, and our relationship, what is left of it, and thanks for listening to me.
