back from exile
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| Sun, 01-16-2005 - 1:49am |
I haven't posted since first week of December so let me update on the situation:
I was in an abusive relationship in which I was the primary bread winner. I have a 4 year old son who was also suffering from abuse. I am also a US citizen living in another country permanently. My spouse decided to return to the US for one month with threats that he would only come back for Christmas and then leave me forever because I failed to find him work after his work contract ended in November. I used the opportunity to run away because of his constant threats of killing me, killing others, killing himself, and taking my son.
I stayed only a short distance from home until just a day ago. During that time I filed a restraining order on him and for divorce. I also called him to warn him not to return here. He came anyway and the courts could not get him the restraining order until a week after he was living in the house. For that reason the judge TOLD me to leave the house for safety reasons. While at the house, he used the cellular phone (which was in my name) exclusively to call the US. He ran up a bill of over 500 dollars and somehow made me responsible for paying it. He also called the US embassy here and reported me as an abductor under the Hague convention, sending the US reps looking for me. Of course I was not home so they didn't and he tried to use that in court to show I was a criminal breaking the law by kidnapping.
I saw him in court just last week where he threatened to stay in this country for 5 years, whatever it takes, because he has friends to stay with. Keep in mind he is not allowed to work in this country. And all of this while telling the judge that he was petitioning for his legal expenses to be paid by the State because he is too poor. He also seeks to claim alimony or support from me because I have deprived him of his home and kept him from working. Do you think the courts consider how he can survive in this country for so long without a job yet not be able to pay legal fees?
He has denied everything in the restraining order and even went so far to challange me for proof of such nonsense. Of course I brought it because there is legitimate proof in the form of doctors reports, papers signed by him, letters from him, and witnesses. He maintained a very agressive and angry look on his face during the initial hearing and even jumped out of his chair once, as well as tried to yell at me directly in front of the judge. Do you think they saw that and it matters? Of course the judge said nothing and made no response. My lawyer did tell him to stop though. He tried to force photos of him and my son together onto the judge. The judge told him it was irrelevant and gave them back. He brought his mother in as a witness as well. His mother also denied the things in the restraining order...such as 'my son never gets drunk...my son never yells or threatens his wife...my son has never been aggressive'... But then through my instruction my lawyer asked her about an incident she witnessed where he threw some candles in glass holders across a table out of anger and shattered them. She at first said it did not happen but was just a minor 'misunderstanding'. When asked if it was a fight she denied that. Then we were able to drag out of her that in anger he threw the items sitting on the table, breaking them. My lawyer said we established in this that he does break things out of anger. Do you think the judge took note?
The next thing we will argue, when he tries to collect support, is that bank statements show over 100k in US dollars diverted from the accounts. Yes, my spouse (unknown or rather noticed to me, I was so naive) made a considerable sum of money for the last several years. And yes, I was stupid enough to wonder why we were always broke. I guess I trusted him when he said we were barely making ends meet. We have always lived off of my paycheck alone it seems. But then he always had control of the money. And to think I thought it was sweet of him to allow me to buy a digital camera....a cheap one at that....
My anxieties: that he turns into the child abductor and takes my child if I send my son back to kindergarten. Should I consider changing kindergartens for that reason? That he somehow does claim alimony support and prevents me from paying my own bills. That he is allowed to take my son out of the country for ANY period of time or even has anything but supervised visitation (I think he is a serious risk to my son's safety). Any words of comfort? I am sick with anxiety.

Man, is he desperate.
You need to have a pow-wow with your lawyer ASAP.
CL-Blueliner4
This case is taking place outside the US. As a result, a translator must be present during every court session. It is a good thing too. My spouse was trying to establish residency in Florida in order to file for divorce against me and force me to return to the US to fight this. It would have been that much more traumatic for my child, but then he never thought about my son's well being before either. Now he is fighting to force me to fly the little boy each year to him (alone even) for 2 months out of summer and 2 weeks at Christmas. Absolutely rediculous and totally in character for him.
My spouse is now trying to describe himself to the courts as basically the wife who has been victimized by a mentally unstable, selfish husband. (I guess I am the husband in his little play) Unfortunately for him, his body language and voice is extremely agressive even in the court. My lawyer has said he doesn't look convincing at all. I can't understand how a man who so often told me how 'I'm the MAN' or 'I'm in charge' or 'you can't live without me' can suddenly revert to trying to convince everyone how he gave up everything for my career, worked hard cleaning, cooking and trying to make a good home, and spent all of his time raising our son. The guy quite his job because he didn't like it. He never cleaned a dish, ironed a shirt, or scrubbed a toilet in his life, and considered it raising a child to sit the child in a car seat in front of the TV while he played video games till I got home. Not to mention he did get a job that he constantly told me he hated and activly tried to ruin certain people there in order to get the 'revenge' he thought he deserved.
I am ranting here now so I appologize. I would like to hear from people who have some advice concerning the preventing of child abduction. I really am concerned and wonder if this guy could be a possible threat. I must know how to prevent him from being able to do such a thing and to protect my son.