bad dreams
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bad dreams
| Wed, 12-20-2006 - 8:56pm |
I'm having trouble sleeping-even resting. Lots of anxiety-like I have to keep busy/moving....
At night having bad dreams/feelings. Like I've seen a car accident and was numb, now it's coming back in color and with some feeling.
Any one else have this experience?
Also still need to drop off her stuff on her porch-feel like I'm stuck in mud-and tgalking through water.
Beth

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Hey Carrie...I just saw your other posts.....
I feel good about the conversations.....I do feel like I'll say more-but it cleared the air....and I said how I suspected the affair. Also to trust their FEELINGS and instincts-not the words!!!!I think I'll e-mail them also so they can read it at their leisure...but I want to say that to lie, deceive, manipulate and distort reality is abuse-let's give it a name.......they also know I go to 12 step meetings, I journal and reach out for support. I told them to never be ashamed to need help-we're just human...that there are kind and loving people in this world....
I love my sons so that when I second guess myself or "miss her" I think "what am I teaching them?"...I even told them that I taught them by example some pretty crappy lessons /negative patterns of relationships...and to believe actions not words of their relationships...
My older son has a not so nice girlfriend. I hope he "gets it"...and doesn't settle down with her....she's charming and manipulative and very pretty and very selfish/mean.
I can only do what I can do...live a better life...admit the lessons I'm learning and not pretend it is as I wish...but it is what it is....hurtful and destructive to my spirit ....
You'll do fine with your kids...they'll all process gradually and in different ways.....my kids will still sometimes ask about my relationship with their dad that ended a long time ago.....just be open and honest. They take it in little by little.
Keep posting....you'll get the words once you start talking and they start responding...you're a good mom!
Beth
p.s. I wish I felt strong like a rock...I feel more like "mush"....just put one foot in front of the other-and I know this pain won't last forever. Can't wait for some anger....I guess I do need a DV counselor-I'm still in some denial-maybe it's a good thing!
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