bad weekend

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2003
bad weekend
1
Mon, 10-23-2006 - 11:28am

Hi - my ex has been out of the house for a few weeks and I have been living here with my daughter. This is now the second time he has "moved" out of the house, the first time he rented a place after much pressure from me. This man makes a ton of money and has been choosing to sleep outside in a van parked on the street. Yes this gets under my skin because I feel guilty, but I have not said much about it. It is his problem that he can't take care of himself.

So this weekend I was sick and my daughter was sick. He was kind of hanging out in the house for a few hours. First of all he parked in my parking spot in the driveway. Second, he asked to use the computer for a few minutes for work and spent over an hour on it. He has come into the house a few times now to use the shower and shave.

I've had it. First of all I am mad at myself because maybe I am sending mixed messages to him or something. Second I am so mad at him because I have told him I need space and he needs to not be here and he is continuing to show up. I have to emphasize that this guy has more than enough money to buy anything he could possibly need. I have also had it because one year ago was when I moved out. He told me to come back, he would move out (which he did months later). I feel like no progress has been made. Nothing has really changed. I am still wasting my time with this crazy mess. I am still hoping things will get better, even though I have read all the statistics which contradict that idea.

I have thought about moving to another state with my daughter. What is holding me back? First I live very close to NYC and I love that. There are acting classes opportunities there that do not exist elsewhere. There are other reasons why I am still here - but the NYC thing is the only one that I could not really find somewhere else. Anyway, I am not looking for advice about moving....

Well thank you for letting me vent. I am just so mad.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2006
In reply to: sam_us
Mon, 10-23-2006 - 12:27pm

First of all he is sleeping in the van to make you feel guilty!! Really try and not feel guilty. He is bringing this on himself. He doesn't have to sleep in the van, but he is choosing to himself.

The only way anything will truly change is if you put your foot down. Abusers never take responsibility which you probably already know. He won't make any changes becuase he doesn't want you to leave. He doesn't want to lose control over you. The only way things will actually change is if you go ahead and file for divorce and move out of the house.

Good Luck......
Lauren

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