Been a long time

Avatar for smoothone2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2003
Been a long time
5
Mon, 01-09-2006 - 4:48pm
Thoguht I would never have to come back here again because you know like everyone else i was in so denial about everything an sort of still am. Don't know if anyone remembers me or not but I wil ltry to refresh some of your memories. I was with my Finace' for 5-6 years and he was very verbally abusive towards me but not physically abusive. I honestly can't remember everything that i told you guys in the past but I think it has been a little over a year since i have been here and like I said in the begining never thought i would have to come here again but suprise here I am! So new update I am now married (to the same guy who was/is verbally abusive towards me) and we are excpecting our first child together in JUly. We had planned it and i was so excited about it and everything. We were married July 20th of 2005, and It was a quick wedding went to the court house didn't tell anybody in the family until afterwards because i knew they would all try to talk me out of it but did it anyway. i had my dads friends stand up for us and my Best friend was there to take some pictures. When i called my best friend and asked her to please be there she told me she did not agree with it but she would be there for me. Well it has been 5 months since we have been married and I just kept lying to myself and telling myself things would get better and he would never hit me. Well there has been two incidents one time we were driving in the car and he was screaming at me, for what reason I can't remember now but the next thing i know he is punching me in the arm and he is driving while doing this! I was in a state of shock and didn't feel the pain until about 20 minutes after. When we got home i went upstairs and looked at my arm and it was very swollen, I could barley move it and I thought for sure it was broken. That night he asked how my arm was all sympathetic of course and when i showed him he just kept apologizing and begged me to call into work the next day I refused to call in and said my arm would be just fine. I went to work the next day and woke up with the ugliest bruise i had ever seen my whole upper arm was black and blue all the way around. I did have it looked at by a Dr and I told him that my husband and I were doing yard work and he accidently hit me in the upper arm with a 4X4 board (that was husbands idea). I had xrays and had a torn a tendon in the arm but it healed uo after 3 weeks or so. Then maybe 2 weeks after that incident we had an arguement at home and I was sitting on the couch and the next thing i know he grabbed my head picked me up and pushed me to the side, i fell off the couch and hit my head on the corner of the end table started bleeding a little not bad. He wrapped my head and said "We just can't do this anymore" and the usual "I'm sorry" blah blah blah! Now like i said in the beging of my post I am pregnant 3 months to be exact and we have been argueing a lot lately. He has already threatened to take this baby away from me and said no judge would ever give me sustody of a child because i am a thief, and a liar and so on. I am scared to death of losing this baby. He also has asked me to have an abortion, I don't believe in that. However i don't want to bring a child into this world and have it put through hell. I am so scared and confused and didn't know where else to turn excet you guys. Sorry this is so long and thanks for taking the time to read.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2005
Mon, 01-09-2006 - 9:21pm
Welcome back, smooth.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Wed, 01-11-2006 - 7:53pm

I'm with Gonna.

CL-Blueliner4

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2006
Thu, 01-12-2006 - 2:11am

I agree with the PP, you should find a shelter and get out of there. When I was five months pregnant my husband slammed me into a chair so hard that it broke and then pinned me up against the wall and strangled me. It was so scary and now that my daughter is born it makes me sick. I look at her and just keep thinking about how I could have lost her so easily that night. It will be much easier for you to escape from him now than after the child is born. My husband has made the same threats to me, about taking the baby, etc. You have to look past the threats. It sounds to me like your family knows how he treats you and you have doctors records from your arm to back you up. No court will ever give custody to him if he is hurting you this bad, especially while you are pregnant. Please be safe, and please get to a shelter. The DV hotline can give you information about one close to you. I know that it is really hard to get past your husbands guilt trips and threats but you have to consider your safety and the safety of your baby. Be careful!

hugs,
K

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Sat, 01-14-2006 - 2:16am
Please listen to these people here.

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-10-2006
Sat, 01-14-2006 - 11:08am
abusers typically escalate during pregnancy. I don't know if it is a control issue or they are jealous but it is a facts and that is hard to ignore. I know it must be hard right now and you are probably confused but try to see what life will be like when there is a child around to witness and suffer the abuse as well. If you have any family you trust run to them then to therapy and if not go to a shelter for dv as others have stated. Once you submerge yourself with others like you you will find strength.. I did...
you deserve to be treated with respect not abused..... we all do......
you didn't cause the abuse and you don't deserve it,,, trust in yourself and get out of there....