been a long time
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| Thu, 01-05-2006 - 10:04pm |
give an update to all who are still confused........it took me a very long time to realize that yes, i was living with domestic abuse. i found a good theropist that made all the difference in the world for me and i got clean and sober. the last theropist brought to my attention that yes he was abusive but we could work it out if we communicate to each other. DONT EVER DO THAT!! i am paying dearly for this. i left february of 2005. i had to leave my sons behind because he refused to leave the house. i spent 8 agonizing months beggin, crying for him to leave and he downright refused. i was a SAHM that only worked a couple hours on weekends. i had no money access because he cleared out the accounts, i seperated my shoulder so my waitressing wasnt up to par i had to do another job at minimum wage. i filed for divorce thinking he would leave but he did not. i found out that we could go on living like this, under the same roof for 2 more agonizing years. i couldnt do that to myself or my children. i was literly dying inside. i was locking myself in a little room every single night, i was silently crying every night, any noise made i would jump out of my skin. if things werent perfect i knew he would yell throw and scream. i packed my clothes and called him every name in the book the day i left, as i got in my car realized i am leaving my kids behind i called the women's shelter. they turned me away. i hadnt a penny to my name, she told me to get a job. i explained what i just did, again she told me to get a job, she turned me away. that was the lowest point i ever felt, i was NOT going back to him but what was i to do. i slept in my car that night. next day i found someone who would let me rent a room out week to week. talked to my job and they let me work more hours. i saved every penny i made and spent weeks looking for a place i could bring my kids home with me. i found a really nice place. went for spousal and got it, took weeks to kick in, but i was making it. little by little i started making it work for me. unfortunetly i ran into many road blocks legally. my STBX (so nice to say this and i am PROUD to say this) seems to know exactly what to do so he looks good and all i can do is go day by day. my youngest is living with me now goes to ex on weekends, ex is using them HUGELY but i am not letting it bring me down. my oldest son (16) i was having a really hard time with, he feels i left him, and feels obligated to his father, he feels sorry for him and he needs to help take care of him. ex did everything listed on how to tell he's NOT changing. i couldnt BELEIVE it how perfectly he followed it.
WOW....didnt mean to make this so long. for anyone that knows of me will remember how long it took me to GET IT. i am at the point i dont care if i have to live in a cardboard box, just being away from his presence has changed me in so many ways. his true colors are shining very bright, he is making himself by what he has done look bad i dont have to say one word. there are so many wonderful, caring women here that are so patient but listen to them. life is so much better AWAY. i have still a long way to go with my own personal healing but it is possible for anyone of you to work through all the confusion one day at a time. never give up hope

Hey girl,
I've been thinking about you! You go girl. You're a strong woman and life is only going to get better!!!
You sound absolutely amazing.
CL-Blueliner4
Hey, Karate! OOOh, girl I am so proud of you. The best part is how proud you are of yourself! When you get to feeling down, come back and re-read this post of yours.
Hugs to you, BRAVE lady,
Christine (Silver)
I am so very happy to hear that you are out and finally safe. I remember your story well, ikaratekid. I am appalled that the shelter turned you away and treated you so horribly. That is inexcusable, in my view. It is a long, hard process to total freedom. And while you still have children together, it doesn't have to mean that you have to put up with his abuse. Use the court system to do that for you. His true colors will come through and a good judge will be able to see through him. My judge did. I was so afraid to truly fight because I was so afraid he would ultimately win - he always did, didn't he? To hear the judge say to me, "you don't have to go with this visitation and child support schedule, you know?" made a big light bulb go off for me at the time. I realized the court could protect my interests if I needed it.
I'm so very happy for you, sweetie.
Peace and hugs,
Cheryl
Good to see you, karate!
OH MY GOSH - ikarate too!!
I am SOOOOOOOOO glad to hear things are moving in an upwards direction for you. You sound SOOOOOO good and your ARE! You ARE!! And you are SOOOOOOO strong for doing this. I do believe that you - yes YOU have really done the seemingly impossible!!!
Your courage, your strength, YOU my dear, are truely an inspiration. For anyone who doesn't know you, this woman, she overcame not only an abusive husband - but a family that didn't seem to want to support her. She did this ON HER OWN!!! What a brave and fantastic woman she is.
lu - my email address is the same. If you feel like it, write me.
I wish some of your strength and courage would rub off on me!!
love you girl, I'm so darned proud and happy for you!!
ples
Wow, this means you have been out almost one whole year! Good for you ikarate, I am proud to see you are staying strong through all the obstacles that have come your way. Congratulations! I can't imagine that shelter turning you away. That is unacceptable, and I would certainly report that, inform your counselor about it, write to or call