been a long time...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
been a long time...
3
Mon, 11-07-2005 - 9:17pm

Hi! Been a long time since I have been here... Actually on Thanksgiving Day it will be a year since my and DH has had any major fights where any violence in the home has happened, until this past friday night.. He has been arrested and it is looking like he is going to be charged with a felony this time.. I feel like I am losing my mind.. I didnt want him to go to jail.. I just wanted to leave.. I guess a neighbor called the cops when they heard the yelling.. and yet here we are again..
I have a black eye and the left side of my face is all bruised up.. and I feel guilty.. my daughter says I have nothing to feel guilty for.. I didnt make him quit his job last week because he wanted to go back to drinking.. I didnt make him become extremely intoxicated friday and she said I surly didnt make him hit me.. so why the guilt??

I dont want to leave the house.. the depression is crazy.. i feel crazy..
well i just wanted to stop in.. need someone to talk to..
thanks for listening..
shells

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-15-2005
Mon, 11-07-2005 - 9:32pm
Oh, I'm so sorry you are going through this. It is NOT your fault, don't feel bad for what he has done, you didn't make him hit you, you don't deserve bruises and your daughter does not need to see someone treat you that way..... It doesn't matter if you've been here in a year or two days, we are here for you.... please stay safe....
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-14-2005
Tue, 11-08-2005 - 8:43am

Hey Shells,

What you're feeling is natural. I know I felt guilty when I called the cops on my ex, but I didn't make him grab me & hit me & break stuff. He did that on his own. I think we feel guilty at first because they've conditioned us to believe that everything is our fault. It's part of the abuse. Try not to let those thoughts in your head. He beat you up. That's bad. That's his fault. He's not a nice guy, and he doesn't deserve any more sympathy. He doesn't deserve another chance.

Have you been to the hospital? Have you got photos of your injuries? It's important that you document all this as soon as possible.

The depression you're feeling is the result of his abuse. If you stay away from him, that awful cloud will eventually lift, and you'll start to see things more clearly, and you'll start to feel better.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2005
Tue, 11-08-2005 - 9:15am

Welcome back, Shells.