Been Lurking but finally decided to post
Find a Conversation
| Sat, 01-08-2005 - 8:15pm |
I have kind of lurked here and there on this site although I've posted some on "Should I Stay or Should I Go?" board. Anyhow, I've been reading some of the posts on here and can sooo empathize with you gals. I am also in a controlling relationship right now. I apologize ahead of time for this being long but I feel it helps to explain things for readers to better understand and it's also a bit of a cleansing process for me to get things out. I am 27 years old and my boyfriend is 47, a big age difference there. He and I have been together for a little over a year. I came from a long line of abuse including 2 stepfathers who abused me as a child. I got married at 17, divorced at 24. I have 2 children who live with their aunt because after fighting for 2 years to care for them, I couldn't give them the life they deserved. They are well taken care of and although we live 2 hours apart from each other, I stay in regular contact with them along with visiting as often as I can. I moved from a very small town to a large city shortly after my boyfriend and I got together. My intentions were to stay with him until I could find a place of my own. We broke up at one point because he said he couldn't handle the age difference. I got my own apartment and we remained friends. About a month after I moved to my apartment, he moved into one in the same complex. At first I thought this was just him trying to remain close as friends but I now realize this was a control issue. Two months after we broke up, we got back together. He is very jealous if guys talk to me. He treats me like a kid. He is always trying to buy things for me even though I tell him not to. He even went as far as to delete a guy friend's name off of my messenger list. He is the type that will not sacrifice anything for anyone else yet expects me to do it for him. He is self employed and sets his own hours. It is ok for him to work as many hours as he wants yet if I want to work a job that he feels will interrupt our relationship, he gets upset. I came from an awful marriage and swore I would never get myself into that mess again yet I did.
I know that I need to end the relationship but there are a few things that are holding me back at the moment. The first is money. I owe him money for a car he bought me and I agreed to pay him back. If I broke up before the car is paid off, he would do something to it out of spite. Also, since we live in the same complex it would not work out so I would have to move since I know he won't. I am in school and will be receiving some money in the middle of February or early March depending on when they disburse the checks so I plan to use that money to pay him off and find another place to live. Unfortunately, my credit sucks due to my divorce and it's hard to find a place in this town with bad credit hanging over your head so this has been a challenge. I lucked out finding this apt since the landlady offered to give me a chance. Either way, I know that this relationship is gone and I know I need to move on. We rarely spend any time together, we never go out to do anything fun, our sex life is almost non-existant and we truly have nothing in common.
I too have questioned whether to leave because he can be so sweet at times (like right now he's being so sweet) but I also know that won't last forever. I just take it one day at a time and keep planning for my escape. I am trying to get a second job hoping that by me working 2 jobs and being gone most of the time that eventually our relationship will just fade away. In a way I hope that he decides to break it off so I don't have to. I love him with all my heart but I know deep down we will never last. Love can be so hard to deal with but I know despite the fact that I will be hurt, I know it is what I have to do. My only advice to those going through similar situations is to just keep planning and take it one day at a time. Keep your head up and do the best you can with what situation you are dealing with. There is a light at the end of that tunnel.

Seems like you and I are pretty much in the same boat. I have found that it isn't easy doing this as I'm sure you know. I wish you the best of luck!! We do not have security here, it is just a very small complex with only about 14 apartments in which 5 are businesses. I will receive my financial aid money for school in mid Feb to early March so I can pay it then.
I hope everything works out for the best for you and keep us informed.
Hi Brandi -
I agree with skorpio that you're on the right path.
CL-Blueliner4