Big Misake!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2004
Big Misake!!
3
Mon, 08-09-2004 - 7:42am
Why do I allow myself to get so mad that I end up saying things that make the situation worse?

For those of you who don't know me because I'm new...my husbad is very egotistical and demands that I find him "hot"...though the way he treats me has definitely made me lose my attraction for him.

Anyway..I went to visit my parents this weekend (without the hubby). When I came back to my home he started up again. Asking if I new what i was going to do (meaning am I leaving him or staying with him) I told him I hadn't made up my mind. He then asked why I had come home...he couldn't deal with this relationship (meaning he's shocked that I don't find him attractive yet tons of other people do, and can't handle that his wife is the only person that thinks he's ugly. Can you say "treat your wife better?!")Then he decides he's "in the mood" and wants to have sex...and tells me so...graphically. I finally had it!!! I told him under no circumstances is he to talk to me like that. That he has serious mental issues and he needs to talk to his counselor. i went on and on...I felt I was taking a stand for myself...but it ended up feeling like I was the abuser. I told him he was stupid because i constantly have to tell him if he would change the way he treats me then maybe I'd be attracted again, but all he does is say "no matter how I treat you I still look good". I told him other people find him attractive because he doesn't show them what an egotistical jerk he is, and that if he treated everyone else like he treated me they wouldn't find him attractive either.

Later on, as I was preparing to go to bed he came in to tell me that he just got off the phone with a guy that is helping him get a marketing venture going. this guy told him that at one of their meeting, everyone said he (my hubby) was so handsome, and they thought he could model. (FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!!!! I'M TIRED OF HEARING THIS, AND I HAVE A TEST IN THE MORNING...LEAVE ME ALONE). Well...I didn't exactly say that....I said "they are lying if they said they saw you in a magazine" (which is one of the things he said)BIG MISTAKE!!!! He launched into a tirade about how I use to think he was hot, and now I don't, and that I was mad because other people thought he was hot enough to model. I tried to tell him to leave me alone, and that I had to sleep. Did he stop? NO!! He kept on going...then he'd leave for two minutes, and come back and start up again. then he goes into at least I'm the best sexually!! OK..now I'm really pissed!!! I tell him he's one of the best. Now...he's really pissed! He tells me that I told him when we first started dating that he was the best...now I tell him he's not....how dare I change my mind!? He got so mad he punched our wall, right by the light switch..and must have loosened some wires because the light went out, and flipping the switch accomplished nothing. Eventually he did leave me alone, but what I want to know is....

WHY DO I SAY SUCH STUPID THINGS??? I get so mad at his lack of respect for me wanting to be left alone, that I tell him things I wouldn't normally. Yes at the beginning I thought he was the best looking and the best in bed.....but after that initial rush in the beginning of a relationship, I realized I had other good looking guys, and other good sexual experiences. Normally, I would have kept that to myself...but he's so stuck on himself, that i wanted him to know their were others in my life just as good. What he hears is that you're not the best...someone else is, and that pisses him off..it also pisses him off because I change my mind about that stuff. At one point he even said, he's not concerned about what my other boyfriends look like, because I think Tommy Lee (Motley Crue), and Steven Tyler(Aerosmith) are good looking, and if I like them he can only imagine what my exes looked like.

So Frustrating!!!!AARRGGHHH!!

Anywho......gotta run.....have class soon.....thank you for letting me vent....I needed it!!

Have a great day all,

Lmo

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2004
In reply to: lmolvr
Mon, 08-09-2004 - 8:56am
i understand completly! with my husband he was always putting me down and calling me names. i also got to the point that when he started burrating me i would start back. i got so tired of it. i would tell him how i felt over and over again but he wouldnt listen. i would let him know that i was depressed and was tired of doing everything on my own. he would just tell me that didnt want a man but i wanted a maid. when he would say this i would explode. why dont you just leave. if you really wanted me to be happy would would leave. "you cant take care of yourself." "you are lazy"... this is what he would say. if i went to bed, he would do what yours does. come in, turn on the light, flash the lights, come in start up leave for a few. come back in. did it to the point of wanting to stab him or just kill him in his sleep. a few times i really thought about doing him in but had to think about my children. i think they actually enjoy it all. pissing us off and then annoying us to the point of insanity.

shay
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2004
In reply to: lmolvr
Mon, 08-09-2004 - 9:01am
Hi, lmolvr, and welcome. Honey, I gotta tell you, your husband could teach Narcissus a thing or three about narcissistic behavior.

Mama Harmony

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2004
In reply to: lmolvr
Mon, 08-09-2004 - 9:32am
They do. They enjoy it emmensely! They love to see our reaction when they push us as far as we are willing to be pushed and push back. They love it. It gives them a sence of power over us that they can control how we feel. It's when we don't react or show emotion, that's when they worry. If we cry, get angry, reson with their stupidity, they think, "yeah now I've got her". If we aqre quiet, unattached or even non chalant, the think, "ok what's going on here". These are just my experiences with men's egos. Good luck, sweety.

Oh next time he says, "I look hot", just say. "Yes you do honey" and leave it at that.