this board is so helpful

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
this board is so helpful
3
Sat, 07-24-2004 - 6:05pm
Since my first post, and the very helpful replies that I received, my awareness has grown tremendously. I have been slyly checking in on this discussion board every day, which makes me feel better somehow. It's great to get a taste of not feeling isolated and alone! My confidence has even increased slightly :)

I made a step to confide in my sister, and my best friend from across the country. They were both loving and supportive, but my sister is also bitter and resentful towards me. I sense that she feels that I have betrayed her, and that I have "chosen" him over her, because she doesn't understand how little control I have over my own life right now. She doesn't understand why I can't "just leave." Has anyone ever experienced that?

My bf hasn't done anything too dramatic lately. I dressed up in his favorite dress to go out with him and his boss on Thursday night, which he loves, but he hates the attention that I get from other guys when I wear it. He got extremely jealous when he discovered two guys talking to my cousin and I outside, while we were getting some air. He put his arm around me, and while smiling at everyone else, he whispered in my ear: "You are in big trouble." He then proceeded to get too drunk to drive any of us home. I started shaking from fear when he whispered that to me, but it is amazing how well an ill-tempered man can hold his temper when his peers are around. No one had any idea he was upset. He passed out that night but was angry all the next day, called me a slut, etc. Sigh.

Must go, there are people around. Thanks for listening!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 07-24-2004 - 7:13pm

hi teodorra…I’m glad that you found us so that you could get some clarity on your situation.

When someone shows you who they are, believe them.

- Maya Angelou

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
Sat, 07-24-2004 - 7:37pm
Thank you for replying. I will look for that book.

This boyfriend of mine is very young...in his early 20s. It is very hard and sad for me to picture him as a cool, calculating mastermind. Maybe this book will help clarify.

You are definitely right about the upbringing. I once heard his father scream at him something to the effect that he was a "useless piece of sh*t." His mother used to leave him all the time when he was growing up. She had a separate apartment most of the time, from what I hear. This is the reason why I always suspected he pushed me away (to test if I would leave him), only to react in extreme suicidal despair or violent restraint in order to get me to stay, when I was finally pushed far enough to leave. Ack! I feel like such a puppet :(

Perhaps he has resorted to violence in my case only, in order to control me because I resisted his other methods so strongly (in the beginning :( ). He describes his last two exes as "crazy" and I suspect that they acted that way in reaction to his controlling behavior. :(

Are abusers destined to either abuse or be alone in life?

It is shameful for me to admit being a victim when I vowed at a young age to never repeat the mistakes of my mother. I am grateful that at least I have no children at this time that are also victim to this.

Thanks again. It means so much...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 07-24-2004 - 9:08pm

It's possible that his ex's were more submissive than you are and that he has to resort to more drastic measures to make you conform to what he wants, but I doubt it.

When someone shows you who they are, believe them.

- Maya Angelou