called the hotlines/shelter today
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| Wed, 09-27-2006 - 6:39pm |
Hi. First I have to say I am thinking of changing my username because it is likely he knows this one and he is a computer genius so I am thinking of buying a laptop for the sake of privacy. I don't think he would look at this board because of course he doesn't think this topic would have any relevancy to him whatsoever, but just to be on the very safe side....I will have to think about it.
I took some of your advice and called the national number today. I have to say they were NOT helpful. They told me by law I had to report what happened with my daughter, that I was going to get in trouble if I didn't report it. Basically that was all she had to say.
I hung up and called the state number. I told her what the person on the national number did and she said she was going to report what the national line did, because that is not the way the call should have been handled. She referred me to the local number.
To continue, I called the local number. While helpful, she also said they are all mandated by law to report anything that is child abuse/neglect, etc. So as long as I didn't tell her specifics, and she didn't know my full name, what I told her would not be reported.
Wow! I have to say this must put a lot of women in a bind. I have no intention of reporting him right now - for a number of reasons. But having to watch what I say is not encouraging to me.
So - my daughter and I have been in and out of hotels for the past week. Things are calm now but I know a part of me needs to stay angry because I need to get things done. I need to get things in order, consider my options.
Something keeps going through my mind. Years ago I worked at a shelter. This very pretty woman - maybe in her 30s came through. She was very well dressed, lived in a huge house, there was a lot of money....we had conversations. She only stayed a few nights and then went back to her abusive husband. I didn't understand it, but all of the older, experienced women who worked there told me that the more a woman has, the harder it is for her to leave. The more she has, the harder it is to leave. I guess it goes through my head because that is how I feel. He makes and has a lot of money. We have a house on the beach. There is nothing for my daughter that I can't have. When I first started dating him I didn't know about the money. He dressed and acted in a way that made me doubt if he even had a job. When I found out how much he made I actually didn't like it and thought of breaking up with him. But then it was this gradual thing of him handling all the money. Me not having access to the accounts, the money. Me having to ask for money for things. Him putting a password on the money program so I can't see everything. Me using his credit card so he can see everything I purchase.
Anyway, thanks for listening. I think talking about it will ensure I don't slide back into thinking that things are going to be different. They aren't. He isn't going to change as long as he knows he can get away with it.

OMG....that's exactly like me. My ex (yes I left this week for GOOD, and took all my stuff with me!!) has a LOT of money, but I never really knew the extent of it at first (kind of, but not fully), I also almost dumped him over it because he started to seem arrogant. We had a beautiful huge house, nice cars, vacations and furniture, and I left it all behind!!!
He controlled ALL the money. I have some of my own (from when I used to work in university), and he never gave me a dime for ANYTHING. He controlled the accounts, had the home in his name only, etc.. I never had a CLUE what was going on financially. I also had to pay everything for our dd. I went to a lawyer, and I am leaving all of "his" stuff alone.....because I don't want to go to supreme court, and I don't want him to harass me. I wasn't "allowed" to work, yet I had no way of making money for myself. The house I picked up went up over $200,000.....so really I made him that money, and I'm leaving with NOTHING. BUT it was worth it, I would take me sanity over my life of hell any day. Today i went through the house and took everything that I had brought, or bought personally (my dd stuff included). I'm sure he will probablly still flip when he sees that I took MY stuff, but at least I got it back before he could have the locks changed or whatever. He hasn't even told his parents that we split because his mom phoned me last night asking me over for dinner (she doesn't have a clue!).
I know it's still going to be rockey until this dust settles, but I'm just so happy that I got out of this mess!!!!!!
I am sorry to hear that you didn't have any luck with the hotline number. So you say you do not want to press charges against him - which would be very difficult to do. Have you thought about going to stay at the shelter or with friends or family? It will save you money instead of staying in hotels all the time. What do you think you are going to do... will you ever go and see your husband (?) again? will you call him? You just cannot stay in hotels all the time....
Keep us updated on what your doing.
Hugs. Lauren
Hi Lauren. I know I can't stay in hotels all the time....
The woman from the shelter/hotline made it very clear to me that if I go there and tell them anything that involved my daughter, it is very possible they would put a report into child protective services. I'm not having that. I guess I could go there and not say anything about what he did to her, but then I feel like I have to hold things back. I am still keeping the shelter in mind though.
I have been looking for apartments and also at long-term stay places. I feel like a need a place to go just for a few weeks to figure out what I want to do next. I have also been trying to organize things in the house when he isn't there. Yes I have spoken to him and seen him and he is trying to be very nice right now, but I am not buying it. I just had a credit card in my name sent, and as soon as that arrives he will not be able to track me if I don't want him too.
No, I don't want to go to friends or family. My family is in complete denial about the situation. I hate asking others for help, although I have told a few friends what is going on. I feel like I need to get all I can in order right now. Thanks for your response and I will keep posting.