Calling on an Angel.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2012
Calling on an Angel.
14
Wed, 03-21-2012 - 4:04pm

I am a 37 year old woman who started dating someone younger than me about 18 mths ago.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2012
Wed, 03-21-2012 - 4:10pm

I just wanted to add. That I emersing my self in self help. Reading articles , going to message board and my DV consuler is looking for a group that meets in the evenings .There are none in my county. I work m - f , 9-5pm.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2000
Wed, 03-21-2012 - 5:07pm

Get a book called "Why does he do that" by Lundy Bancroft.That will help a lot...Also get involved in activities away from the home..A craft class, a book club..Anything that gets you out of the house and in the company of other people with the same interests you have...The more friendships you build the less lonely you will feel.

Getting involved in any counseling is great, it is a way to start healing..If you can find a dv support group to join all the more positive because then you get to interact with other women who truly "get it" that you can open up and start healing.

whatever it takes, get him out of your home, change the locks and NO CONTACT ever again...If he hurts you again, be brave enough to press charges against him and follow through..If you are in fear of your life from him, go to the courts and tell them..Get a restraining order and enforce it by reporting EVERY violation..Even if it seems small, even if it seems the police are not taking you serious..Report EVERY violation....Even if it seems small and insignificant...Report it...

Talk to your boss and tell him/her what is really going on and what your plan is to end this nightmare...The more they know the more understanding they are of your struggles at work..Also talk to your fellow employees to find trust worthy car repair places so you wont need to call him to fix your car...Maybe someone at work is good with cars and will help you out for cost..Or maybe someone's spouse is good...you wont know until you ask....

I have one client who is finally learning to not only set boundaries but enforce them with her abuser. Each time she enforces the boundary she feels more positive about herself...I am sure as you become firm in your boundaries and enforce them you too will feel better about yourself as well. Once she opened up with the district manager what was going on with her life she found he was 100% behind her and was willing to work with her and give her a full year to get herself back on track..At this time he is still amazed she is still trying after all she went through and admires her courage..Can I promise your boss will have the same reaction? NO

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Thu, 03-22-2012 - 10:46am

I want you to know that I'm praying for you.

sweets35
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2012
Thu, 03-22-2012 - 12:09pm

Kat ...beautiful...thank you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2012
Thu, 03-22-2012 - 12:17pm

Thank you Sweets..yes, I think he will move on or back to his kids mother.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2012
Thu, 03-22-2012 - 12:26pm

also to Kat point about going out

Avatar for cajunharmony
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2001
Tue, 03-27-2012 - 8:54am

Hello Zorarose, my apologies for not having welcomed you to the board sooner.

Mama Harmony

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2012
Sat, 03-31-2012 - 10:29am

This may be one of the hardest challenges you will ever conquer. The violence of your story reminds me of mine...the earlier years anyway- he is more of an emotional abuser today...and I want you to know the strength you've shown is insipiring...I know it was mentioned, but get that book 'Why Does He Do That?'..I'm 8 years in, and this book has really, really opened up my eyes and my thought process has changed some.

Do your best to keep him away. They are masters of manipulation.

Keep posting...

A

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2012
Sun, 04-01-2012 - 5:49pm

I feel a little stressed and have a tremendous amount of axienty today. I took unpaid leave from work to resovle some issues and to heal.

Avatar for cajunharmony
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2001
Sun, 04-01-2012 - 6:43pm

Hi Zora, it's good to see you back.

Mama Harmony

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