Calling police will make it worse

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-28-2004
Calling police will make it worse
18
Sat, 12-25-2004 - 7:34am
What do you do when calling the police to remove him will only make it worse once he gets out of jail? When you will have all his friends looking for you if you did call? And when you really have nowhere to go even if you could get him out the house? I keep praying and praying that he will leave. I know about abused women shelters and places like that but I have 4 dogs, pit bulls, and he's threatened to kill them if I ever left. He's already stabbed one of them. He'll call me on the phone on days I have the strength to say oh well I’m out of here and let me here him beating on them. Some might say they are just dogs but to me they are my children. We don't have any children but my dogs are my love. They are abused too. Whenever he is around the pull their ears back and put their tails between their legs and run like heck into their cages. My oldest dog (who I had before we started dating and he doesn't like because I got her with my ex) just starts crying whenever she walks by him. She gets it the worst because he knows I love her the most. He treats her like someone would treat a child they don't like because it's by someone else. He stabbed my oldest male dog because he pee'd in his cage while he was standing there because he was nervous about being beaten. We still sleep in the same bed together on nights when he doesn't fall asleep in the basement. The night before last my scarf fell off in my sleep. He was trying to be nice and put in back on my head but I woke up screaming because I thought he was trying to choke me. I'm so messed up. With good reason. I just don't know what to do but pray. Everyone says call the cops and let them deal with it, even his mother. But I know that if I do he'll get out on bail and even if I change the locks he will sit out side until he sees me. Hide around a corner until I open the door, force himself back into the house and that will be the last anyone here's from me. I am not dealing with a man who respects the law by any circumstances. I don't know how it came to this. I mean I do know, I didn't leave when I had the chance because I thought I could help him change. I realize now that I can't help him or anyone change. He likes who he is. He brags to his friends about having me in check and putting me in my place and tells them that if a female gets out of line this is how you treat them. His friends humor him of course. One guy stands up to him (his best friend) and tells him it's not right but he doesn't listen. Whenever his BestF is around and we are fighting (which is me running and him swinging) he always tries to stop him and calm him down but not even his friend can calm him. I thought being with an aggressive man would mean he would protect me, we don't live in the best neighborhood, but now I realize that he is beyond aggressive and down right abusive through and through. If my father found out, he would kill him and go to jail and I don't ever want that. My mother would not be able to survive without her husband and I wouldn't be able to live knowing my bad decisions landed my father in jail, although he'd be happy to do it. My mother would never forgive me. Never. She's just like that. I could go stay with a girlfriend but most of them have apartments and the one girl who has a house, her husband doesn't like dogs. So I couldn't bring one dog to her house let alone 4. I'm just going to keep praying and all of you out there who believe in the power of prayer please do the same for me. Pray that I am delivered from my situation and that this boy (he's hardly a man) is removed from my life forever. I feel like I'm enslaved. Sorry to dump this on Christmas but since this is the most sacred holiday I figured maybe a miracle would happen for me. That would be the best gift EVER.

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-28-2004
Wed, 12-29-2004 - 12:03pm
Thank you for your prayers. I know I can do this. I just have to do it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2003
Thu, 12-30-2004 - 5:06pm

Hi babiejewel,

You and your dogs are in my prayers. Please post again soon to let us all know that you are ok!

Barbara

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-28-2004
Sat, 01-01-2005 - 11:55am
Well he isn't taking the trip this weekend. The plans fell through. He had another eposide the other day. My oldest male dog got out of his cage and chewed up one of his train sets. Can you believe a man who is a violent as he plays with toy trains? So of course he is ANGRY. The minute I walked through the door he is in there just pounding away at my baby boy with a stool. It was just terrible. My girl dog (who I had before we were dating and he hates because he feels like it's my ex's dog which it isn't) started barking at him becuase he was hurting her "brother" and she has puppies in her cage with her so she wants to protect her space as well. He gets pissed because she started barking at her and tried to do the same to her. Now, the way he was discipling the male dog was terrible but he did do something wrong so I wasn't going to jump in it physically I was just begging him to stop. But when he tried to go after my oldest girl because she barked at him I had to jump it. It was the worse. He banged me in my head and back because I was pulling on him and trying to get him away from her. He says I hit him. I might have but at this point nothing I can do short of killing him can be worse than what he has done to me. I let her out of the cage to let her out in the yard so she could get away and as she was going down the stairs he pulled her tail. She pee'd all over my face and in my hair because she was scared and hurting and then he threw her down the stairs. I ran outside with her and she burst throught he gate so I had to go chasing her down the street, stinking of urine and discraced. Oh he tried to throw a candle holder at her and it hit me in my foot. Hit broke on my foot and it hurt so bad. My foot was smollen for a few days. He felt bad about that and tried to make it up to me which really made me sick to my stomach. It's too late to be affectionate and loving after you've hurt me phycially and emotionally. The cycle has gone back to square one. We haven't had a physcial encounter since that one. We've had a few arguments but nothing where it got physical. The dogs are starting to get more comfortable with him again. He is showing them more love and attention than he was. We had a long talk the night of the last fight. The things I said to him seemed to hit home. But like I said, it's a cycle. Something is going to happen that is going to tick him off and set him off as usual. I don't think he is capable of controlling his anger with out help from a counselor. I'm positive his possesive and controlling out look on me has not changed. I know it's only a matter of time before it happens again. I prayed in church last night that God will take this spirit away from him and that he can be at peace without this violent temperment. Unlike most abusers my BF is like this with everything and everyone. It's not just me although I do get it the worse. He gets into fights with other guys and I used to think "this guys is strong, he will protect me." I was too blind to see the long term ramifications of his behavior. I am still holding on to the chance that he will change. But I am also preparing for the fact that he won't. I have a lot of work to do on myself. I'm an emotional wreck and I'm sure you can see why.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Sat, 01-01-2005 - 2:58pm

Babie, call the cops immediately and report the animal cruelty.

CL-Blueliner4

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2003
Sat, 01-01-2005 - 5:02pm

Oh hon...... the bf that I just broke up with verbally abused me, but my ex-husband physically abused me... threw me, hit me, threw a chair with me sitting in it, and now he's a cop! A few years ago I spoke with my ex-husband on the phone... he was upset and felt sorry for a girl that was abused! He arrested her husband. He explained the story in detail and I informed him that he did the same to me. He was silent and then kinda freaked out. Abusers deny the abuse. The few abusers that don't deny it, usually think they are doing nothing wrong.

The point is, it will have it's mellow times, but it comes back... it's like a chronic disease, like alcoholism or drug addiction. Men that do that need counseling forever. My ex-H never hurt my dogs (they are now in doggie heaven, one from old age, and one was hit by a car )o:) and he never hurt our son, just me. I said to him that if our son EVER saw him hurt me, it was over.... well when my son was 4 my ex-H was in the police academy and under a lot of stress and he freaked out and picked me up by the throat and slammed me into the front door (on the inside of the door) bruising my spine all the way down.... my son came out and knew something was wrong...... The point is, at that moment it clicked! I knew I was free and it was over... and it was!!!!!!!

You need to get out or you and your dogs will continue to suffer. Tell your family... I know you don't want to, but if you can, do it! Tell an abuse center, tell your doctor, tell someone that can keep it on a record.... the more he does, the more trouble he will be in when his butt is finally busted. If I would've reported my ex-h it would've ruined his chance of becoming a police man.... you don't know how many times that has crossed my mind...

Okay, sorry I am babbling, and sorry if I already told you this story....... Please take care of yourself and your furbabies. I know it is your house, but leave.... I bet you can find a vet or a shelter that will babysit your doggies.

Huge hugs, Michelle

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2003
Sat, 01-01-2005 - 5:46pm

Hi babiejewel,

Do you realize how much danger you are in right now? Suppose he flips out again over something one of the dogs did and then proceeds to kill it right there in front of you? If you get between him and the dog, he won't hesitate to kill you, too! This man is too dangerous to be around. It seems that it would be safer for your dogs to let them loose outside. They are being TERRORIZED by him! Honey, that is NO WAY for a human being to live, let alone a dog!

Barbara

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 01-02-2005 - 9:31am
"I don't think he is capable of controlling his anger with out help from a counselor. " FORGET IT. This man is CRUEL. He is cruel & tortures you AND animals. Only a COWARD hurts innocent animals. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE give UP on the hope he will change. I can lie in front of a train to tell you he WONT. R~
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 01-02-2005 - 9:32am
YES~ YES~ YES!!!!!!!!!! This is your chance! If there is evidence on the dog, then the ASPCA WILL take them out for safety ... that is your way to have them safe, while YOU get yoruself somewhere safe as well. Think of this, what it next time he KILLS One of your dogs, THEN it will be too late.

Pages