The calls keep coming
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| Wed, 05-11-2005 - 2:49am |
It's been over a week since I've cut ties with him and he's still calling. The first four days he was calling 30-20 times a day, now it's down to under ten times. None of his messages were threatening or abusive in any way. He has left messages (all which I have saved) saying that he's sorry and he still cares about me, he'll dress up and go to church with me again, and telling me all these little things he'll do differently. He was even dumb enough to say that he was sorry for slapping me in the mouth. It makes me think that maybe he doesn't know how serious I am about this. Should I talk to him and tell him, or continue to ignore him?
I could change my cell phone number, but not my house phone because I still live with my parents. They don't know what has happened between me and my xbf. They only know that I'm not speaking to him. I just cannot say the words out loud. It makes it sound a lot worse than it was and I start to think that maybe I've overexaggerated the whole situation.
Our whole relationship was a rollercoaster of emotions, and it still is and we're broke up! Why is that? Because I still care and it makes me hate myself for it. I can't just turn it off like a facet. He still has control over me even when I'm not talking to him and that really makes me angry. He does not accept that the relationship is over, he's said so in the messages. "I won't let you run away from our problems like you always do," he says. Won't let me? That kind of scares me. Sometimes my mother will answer the phone when he calls and will talk to him for a little bit. She told me he wanted to come out here for a surprise visit. She strongly recomended that he not.
I just want it all to stop.

I was afraid this is what was going to happen.
I agree with Wishful. No contact may seam harsh to you right now, but it is not. You are doing the right thing for you and your sanity, happiness, and life.
What he is doing IS telephone harassment. It is grounds for getting a RO. It is him continuing to be controlling and abusive. You said "He was even dumb enough to say that he was sorry for slapping me in the mouth," but the you said "It makes it sound a lot worse than it was and I start to think that maybe I've overexaggerated the whole situation." He slapped you. You are not overexaggerating what happened. Slapping is not acceptable. Refusing to "let you" do anything is unacceptable. Stand strong.
Please keep us posted on how you are doing.
LAF
R~
First of all, you're not exaggerating anything by telling the truth, which is that he slapped you.
CL-Blueliner4
Hey, Girly! I'm glad to hear you've come this far. He's proving himself with every phone call, isn't he?
I'm chiming in with the others - you have not exaggerated anything. He slapped you, plain and simple. It's bad, you've called it what it is, and that says great things about you.
So at this point he's tried to use force long-distance to make you give in. You've held out, and now he's talking about confronting you face to face. Not safe! You gave him a chance to let this go peacefully. It's time to have a conversation with shelter staff about an RO. He could show up on the doorstep and do more than hit you.
You've been very kind and he doesn't deserve any more of that. Go ahead and change that cell number, then talk to the phone company about your options re: the home phone. As for telling your parents, it's a good idea to make sure people know what's happened. Your parents may already suspect what happened. If you simply say, "he hit me," it's no overstatement. They may be outraged, but they should be. Definitely don't try to explain things to him. He won't hear you and he'll take your response as progress.
Best of luck - keep us posted!