Can anyone relate?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2004
Can anyone relate?
5
Fri, 02-10-2006 - 1:51pm

As time has passed and I think about all the warning signs I missed throughout the year we were together. I am amazed at how apparent they were and I was completely and utterly clueless. This scares me! I really don't trust myself anymore. But each day I feel a little stronger and more proud of myself for sticking to my guns!

I am wondering if anyone here's abuser was paranoid about noise? When he was not screaming or hitting or whatever he would do, he would get sooooo anxious at the slightest noise. He was always telling me to keep my voice down when I was talking (and I am not a loud person), or if there was a noise outside he would peek through the windows all paranoid like...very strange behaviour! Just a random thought I had and wondering if there this means anything or if anyone has or had a similar situation.

TGIF!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-01-2005
Fri, 02-10-2006 - 10:21pm

Hi there!

I can totally relate... My ex bf was extremely sensitive to noise. He would get SO upset if an annoying commercial came on the radio--that's if he even had the radio on! On the other hand, if he was working out, he'd have the radio up really loud and have no problem with it. But, even noises coming from outside bothered him...there were times he scared me because he'd get so worked up about the neighbor's kids playing around outside.

Half the time I'd hear that I didn't speak up (volume) enough--which is something I've been told in the past and am trying to change...but then the rest of the time I was told I was being too loud. He was impossible to please, to say the least.

Is there something about abusers that makes them this way?? I wonder....

flipper

BTW, I am also dealing with getting out of a year-long relationship with an abuser and finally seeing all of the signs that were right there in front of me...but I didn't recognize them. We have to remember to go easy on ourselves--it's too tempting to beat ourselves up about not getting out sooner!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2004
Mon, 02-13-2006 - 4:59pm

Thank you for the input. It certainly helps to know that I am not the only one.

I really let him have it the other night...it was our 1st anniversary and I came home to flowers and candles and champagne...he can be so wonderful. But I just couldnt' stomach it. I have lost my patience and I am sick of trusting him again and again - just to be hurt in the end! UGH!

Anyway, one day the sun will shine again (I hope).

Big Hugs to you all!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 02-14-2006 - 9:34am

My son has Sensory Integration Disorder. Basically his senses are out of whack and they have to be retrained to give off the normal response. My son is hypersentive to touch. If his aunts, who he sees all the time, were to touch his head he would freak out, saying ouch! To hime it hurts, etc...

Part of his sensory issues is hearing loud noises. He does not like horns honking, fire trucks, even the intercom at the store. He will cover his ears and scream that it is hurting his ears.

They say we all have sensory issues to one degree or another but in my son's case it is the sensitivity he has to sensory related things that makes his problems more extreme. If left untreated it will only get worse. But it can be overcome through retraining the senses.

It is possible that your husband suffers from something like this as far as the noise is concern. OR with his paranoid behavior it could be drugs or a mental disorder that makes him act this way.

As far as driving like he does, it is a control factor, one used to scare you into submission. I know as my own DH uses that tatic. Asked if he was trying to scare me, he said, "maybe today I am" because we had been fighting the previous weekend before. It is also used as a payback type of thing with my dh. I told him, "just remember not to kill yourself while your trying to kill me".

It is also possible that he feels jealousy towards the baby.

Good luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2005
Tue, 02-21-2006 - 12:05pm

your post startled me ....my H is the exact same way ...as far a paranoia....every little noise ...he jumped...a car drives by ..he thinks its the cops ...or someone wanting money (bill collectors)...he sleeps with a knife...and even went so far as to nail all of the windows in the house shut and prop chairs against the doors at night .....I wonder ..is a some kind of disease that most of these men share ? its baffling to me .....

I can also relate to the hindsight is 20/20 thing ....I NEVER noticed until recentley ,as I look back ,all the signs that were there ,right in front of me ,that really scares me too ..that I was blind to it for so long ...

Even though he tells me its not my fault... I cant help but feel it is in some way ,...he did tell me he needed me to do more, and that he wasnt feeling connected to me because of the distance ...But he really didnt give me a c

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2006
Wed, 02-22-2006 - 2:10pm
I don't know if this helps, but my boyfriend is the same way. When he wants to listen to loud music or have the TV up really loud, it's ok. But when someone else wants to do it and he isn't in the mood for it, he gets really angry. Very paranoid about outside noises. Regarding another post pertaining to this one-my boyfriend also has propped chairs against the doors and slept with weapons, thinking someone would try to "get us", I guess. I think it's a control thing.