Can I help a friend?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-26-2003
Can I help a friend?
Thu, 07-29-2004 - 3:55pm
Hi

I believe my friend is being abused (in all ways except physically) and am wondering if there is anything I can do to help. It is particulary hard since we don't even live on the same continent. I will describe the situation and I am sorry that I don't know how to put this in a short concise way.

In 2000 my best friend got married and me and my boyfriend were the only people who knew about it for a long time. Her husband is from Australia and for her to be able to go with him to Australia they needed to be married so every thing probably happened faster than it should have. My friend is very smart, independant and usually not afraid of doing whatever she thinks is right for her so I figured she must know what she was doing and if it turned out she didn't, she wouldn't hesitate leaving him.

It turns out I was wrong. From the beginning things have been diffcult. He doesn't speak her language (and mine) so he convinced her he was uncomfortable with her friends and family. Me and the others involved didn't really care because we are interested in her and not her husband and she was still willing to see us. From the beginning she has not been allowed any secrets. I tried to tell her something in confidence and she shared it with him and I got a very mean letter from him saying among other things that if people loved each other they shared everything and I obviously was not and would never be capable of love since I had asked my friend not to share my secret with anybody for a while. He also has her translate every phone call she gets and every letter. Now it has come to a point where she is not allowed to use the phone or email and her family had no idea if she was even alive until she managed to send them a fax from work (by the way, the last I heard she was the only one working - supporting her husband and mil and he drives her to work everyday and comes to her work to have lunch with her every day).

Does anybody see what I can do to help? I have not heard from her in a long time and me and her parents are very worried. Her parents don't think there is anything they can do if they go to Australia and try to convince her to come home. For half a year or so a year ago she was planning on coming home and leaving him for good but always next month. I only have a vague idea of where she lives and she is not allowed to answer her phone. My only hope is that I think I found her email address at work on-line but I am afraid of alienating her if I say something bad about her marriage. Please, let me know if you can think of anything to help.

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