Can I really Leave him

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-12-2004
Can I really Leave him
9
Mon, 04-12-2004 - 4:45pm
Can I really leave him? I am a 20 year old, I finished high school in the top 10% of my class I am a smart girl, or at least I thought I was. I have known him since high school. He has not hit me, yet. See when I am not with him I know that kind of relationship I have. I can figure out a million ways to say I want to leave, but once I am with him it's like the words will not come out of my mouth. My brain is yelling at me to leave him. The first time I realized I was in danger was the day I let him borrow my car and it came back with a marks like someone had run into it. I was upset and before I know it I told him it was over and I was trying to get into my car to park it so I could get into my apartment and away from him. His brother was standing between us because he kept trying to swing at me. My boyfriend took my keys and tossed them across the street. Lucky for me I had left my apartment unlocked, his brother opened the gate from me, however he moves fast as soon as I was in my apartment he was right behinde me. He followed me into my room and closed the door and when I tried to leave he kept pulling on my arm and wouldn't let me go, when I made it to the door he would push back on the bed and all the time he is yelling at me. Finally, I manged to get him out into the living room and was headed for the front door, I opened it and his brother was about to come in and hand me my keys, when he pulled me back and tackled me to the floor and then dragged me back into the room. Where he begged me not to leave him, needless to say I didn't. I told him that I am scared to be with him and scared to leave him. He is a drug dealer and I didn't find that out until it was to late. I feel like I can't leave him, he always carries a gun with him, a 22. He has told me he is not scared to use the gun on anyone that gets in his way. He has shown me what it would feel like if I get hit with the gun on the back of my head.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Mon, 04-12-2004 - 5:11pm

Hi sweetie, and welcome.


I apologize if this comes out harsh.

CL-Blueliner4

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-12-2004
Mon, 04-12-2004 - 5:38pm
I know what I have to do, I am just so scared of how he is going to react. He is going to be picking me up from work in about 20 mins.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Mon, 04-12-2004 - 5:51pm

Don't tell him anything.

CL-Blueliner4

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-12-2004
Mon, 04-12-2004 - 5:56pm
No Thank God I do not live with him. His father leaves down hall from my apartment. which he is at all the time unless he is at my apartment. I never gave him a key thank god. I have called some of my family,all guys. They are going to be waiting for me inside my apartment. I plan on telling him that it is over and my family is going to be listening to see if things get out of hand they are just a few feet away. So please pray for me and I will post tomorrow. Thanks for all your help.
Avatar for cajunharmony
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2001
Mon, 04-12-2004 - 6:51pm
Sounds like a good plan, Anna. Just a couple of suggestions, though. Is there any way one of your male relatives can stay with you for a while to make sure this freak leaves you alone? With his dad just down the hall, this just screams of "stalker in the making" without you having much legal recourse because of the proximity of where his dad lives. Secondly, how about moving out to another apartment. I know, moving IS a monstrous pain, my dd and I did it somewhere between 9 and 11 times during the first two years we were free of idjit boy, but that was what it took to make sure we were safe. Anybody that carries a loaded gun is one scary person, again, I speak from experience. If you end up having to call the cops on him, be sure to inform them that he is carrying a weapon and where on his body he usually carries it. One other point I would like to make you aware of: You mention that he has borrowed your car and that he is coming to pick you up from work today. You also mention that he is a drug dealer. ARe you aware that if he is busted by the cops while driving your car, you will likely lose your car? It will be confiscated because it was used during a drug deal. It will not matter that he is not the owner, but it WILL be taken. Good luck, hon. You are smart to be taking the steps you are at this point, before things get any worse than they already are. Just be aware and be prepared to have to take further steps to protect yourself. Change your locks and see about having your car ignition rekeyed. It would not surprise me one bit that he has had copies made already and you don't even want to wake up in the middle of the night to find him standing over you in your home. Take care and God Bless. Mama Harmony

Mama Harmony

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2004
Mon, 04-12-2004 - 8:37pm
You are so young, you have your whole life ahead of you. PLEASE do not waste it on someone like this. He sounds extremely dangerous. You aren't married, no kids, so there is nothing to tie you to this man. You said yourself that you're smart, you DO NOT NEED HIM. You deserve much better than this, you deserve someone who will treat you the way you should be treated. Don't make a mistake this early in the game. I married and have been with him for 12 years. It will only make you miserable, and in your case, may even be very dangerous for you. GET OUT now, while you can!!!! Tell him you don't deserve to be treated this way and that it's over. Stand up for yourself, you will be so glad that you did. I know it's hard. But it will be worth it in the long run.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-12-2004
Wed, 04-14-2004 - 11:06am
I just wanted to thank everyone that posted. I did I walked away from him. Once I figured out that he only has the power over me that I give him I was fine. Even when he sat in my living crying promising the moon and the stars I still said leave. I know that it is far from over because of the fact I live close to his father, And I still have 7 months on my lease. So we will see what happens.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2004
Wed, 04-14-2004 - 1:15pm
Anna,

Im glad you left, but you have to stay strong, he is going to keep pulling on your heart strings, hoping he can convince you to come back. Stay away, it will only get worse, not better. I wish i had had your courage at 20. It has taken me 20 yrs to finally ask for help, and to accept help. Stay strong young one, you have your whole life ahead of you and you dont want or need to live in fear. Stay safe and take care.

Van

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2001
Wed, 04-14-2004 - 7:18pm

I'm glad that you're free, but you need to file a RO against him, and if he stalks you, harasses you, monitors your whereabouts, you need to report it to the police.