Can Someone Help me here?
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Can Someone Help me here?
| Tue, 03-23-2004 - 12:20am |
Hi. This is my first time posting one of these things so, I'm not sure what or how to say what I need to. I've been in a relationship with "S" for a little over a year and a half now. In the beginning things were fine. We did split up for about a month there in the beginning and during that time I dated another man. Since then, when we had gotten back together, he was always belittling the other guy, whom I was still friends with, and myself. At one point, he got so pissed that I had talked to him that he had stated that he wished he had a bus and he'd run us both over and just to get us out of his hair. This is the first time that I had ever seen him pissed like that. Yes, he's been upset before but, not outside of what everyone would consider normal. That time though, well, lets just say I thought he was going to knock my lights out.
That was a year ago and since then we've always had problems off and on. They seemed to of gotten worse when he was transeferred out of state for work, which is where he still is. He was always making comments about why don't I have more pride in myself like he does, or that men don't want me for me, that just want me for sex and a good time. They've gotten worse over the past months.
I've never been in a abusive relationship and I find it hard even now to say that I'm in one because he's not that bad. I know that I've been a bitch sometimes, and yes I know that this doesn't justify his actions. For the first time ever, back at this past Thanksgiving, he had gotten pissed at me because I spen too much time at the bar downstairs w/o calling and inviting him down (it was his damn apt though, go figure)and then not leaving with him when he did come down and he was ready to go. I stayed down there with one of his roomates, so he knew I wasn't doing anything. But, he was already a little tippsy from drinking and pissed that guys had been flirting with me, especially two African American males.
When I had gotten back up to the apt with his buddy, I tried to quietly come into the bedroom where he was sleeping, needless to say it didn't work and I pissed him off. That's what started the whole thing. He jumped out of bed to turn the light on, asked me who's numbers I had gotten, grabbed me by both arms and pushed me up against the wall so hard my head hit it and his buddy heard it from the living room. He was yelling at me and calling me a slut and asked me who I had slept with, but in not so nice of a way if you know what I mean.Then he threw me down on the bed. I tried to get away and finally got out of the bedroom.
I was sooo shocked by all of this that I started to hiper ventilate and my inhaler wasn't working this time around. My lips, fingers, and toes had started to go numb and I started to get even more scared. He looked like he was ready to cry and said he was sorry so many times I lost count. He begged me to stay and not to go. I stayed.
The first of December we were out at his home here in state celebrating my 29th birthday with a few friends. He had gotten pissed at me that night too, for what I don't remember this time around, and grabbed my head with both his hands and pushed his forehead up against mine, it hurt and left a red mark that you could clearly see for the next five minutes. So, I left the room until I could gather myself because I think one of his buddies that was not far away say what he had done to me.
Then, we didn't see oneanother for a month in Jan. Then two weeks ago, he came into town and we had a great day together until that night. We went bowling and while there I had moved my things a few times because people kept sitting by them and I had a lot of money in my purse. I was only trying to keep it close so I could watch it. Well, I was playing around and went up to him and acted like I was going to kiss his ear, instead I made a little pig noise. All I did was snort. Goofy I know. It was enough to piss him off and he stood up, right there in the bowling alley and stomped across the tip of my foot with his entire foot and wooden heal of the bowling shoe! Oh, it hurt so bad I wanted to cry and had a hard time since.
I told him that night that he needed to do something about his anger problem and he said he was sorry and joked around about it saying insurance didn't cover it anyway. Then he blamed it on me for making him feel that way. That I had made him paranoid by moving my stuff around so much.
Lets not forget that during the last visit he was here, my two year old was upset and crying like they normally do if they're not up your butt, he picked him up and yelled at him in his face. Mind you, this is not his child and he's had problems with me having them from the beginning.
Needless to say, a week ago I told him that he wasn't welcome back into my home or life until he got some help for his anger. He stated he doesn't have a problem, that I push him beyond his limits. That it's my fault, he was normal before he met me,which I know to be false. The problem, money wise and around the home, and with my car, he's always been there for me when I've needed him. He's tried to change in the past and things have just recently gone down hill because he's so far away. I've kept taking him back over and over again, regardless of what he's done. How do I stay gone this time? If he gets help like I asked him to, does it really work out? Or am I putting myself and my children on the line again for him to do something worse down the line? Please help me.
That was a year ago and since then we've always had problems off and on. They seemed to of gotten worse when he was transeferred out of state for work, which is where he still is. He was always making comments about why don't I have more pride in myself like he does, or that men don't want me for me, that just want me for sex and a good time. They've gotten worse over the past months.
I've never been in a abusive relationship and I find it hard even now to say that I'm in one because he's not that bad. I know that I've been a bitch sometimes, and yes I know that this doesn't justify his actions. For the first time ever, back at this past Thanksgiving, he had gotten pissed at me because I spen too much time at the bar downstairs w/o calling and inviting him down (it was his damn apt though, go figure)and then not leaving with him when he did come down and he was ready to go. I stayed down there with one of his roomates, so he knew I wasn't doing anything. But, he was already a little tippsy from drinking and pissed that guys had been flirting with me, especially two African American males.
When I had gotten back up to the apt with his buddy, I tried to quietly come into the bedroom where he was sleeping, needless to say it didn't work and I pissed him off. That's what started the whole thing. He jumped out of bed to turn the light on, asked me who's numbers I had gotten, grabbed me by both arms and pushed me up against the wall so hard my head hit it and his buddy heard it from the living room. He was yelling at me and calling me a slut and asked me who I had slept with, but in not so nice of a way if you know what I mean.Then he threw me down on the bed. I tried to get away and finally got out of the bedroom.
I was sooo shocked by all of this that I started to hiper ventilate and my inhaler wasn't working this time around. My lips, fingers, and toes had started to go numb and I started to get even more scared. He looked like he was ready to cry and said he was sorry so many times I lost count. He begged me to stay and not to go. I stayed.
The first of December we were out at his home here in state celebrating my 29th birthday with a few friends. He had gotten pissed at me that night too, for what I don't remember this time around, and grabbed my head with both his hands and pushed his forehead up against mine, it hurt and left a red mark that you could clearly see for the next five minutes. So, I left the room until I could gather myself because I think one of his buddies that was not far away say what he had done to me.
Then, we didn't see oneanother for a month in Jan. Then two weeks ago, he came into town and we had a great day together until that night. We went bowling and while there I had moved my things a few times because people kept sitting by them and I had a lot of money in my purse. I was only trying to keep it close so I could watch it. Well, I was playing around and went up to him and acted like I was going to kiss his ear, instead I made a little pig noise. All I did was snort. Goofy I know. It was enough to piss him off and he stood up, right there in the bowling alley and stomped across the tip of my foot with his entire foot and wooden heal of the bowling shoe! Oh, it hurt so bad I wanted to cry and had a hard time since.
I told him that night that he needed to do something about his anger problem and he said he was sorry and joked around about it saying insurance didn't cover it anyway. Then he blamed it on me for making him feel that way. That I had made him paranoid by moving my stuff around so much.
Lets not forget that during the last visit he was here, my two year old was upset and crying like they normally do if they're not up your butt, he picked him up and yelled at him in his face. Mind you, this is not his child and he's had problems with me having them from the beginning.
Needless to say, a week ago I told him that he wasn't welcome back into my home or life until he got some help for his anger. He stated he doesn't have a problem, that I push him beyond his limits. That it's my fault, he was normal before he met me,which I know to be false. The problem, money wise and around the home, and with my car, he's always been there for me when I've needed him. He's tried to change in the past and things have just recently gone down hill because he's so far away. I've kept taking him back over and over again, regardless of what he's done. How do I stay gone this time? If he gets help like I asked him to, does it really work out? Or am I putting myself and my children on the line again for him to do something worse down the line? Please help me.
Beka

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For instance, he doesn't know that a week ago when all this started and I told him he needed help, she admited to me that she's even confronted him in the past about his anger issues and he got upset with her too and told her he didn't have a problem. Hell, the second time I ever met her, she told me she didn't know how her son ended up with someone like me. She didn't think he was good enough or something I guess. I found that odd at the time.
Anyhow, cl-blueliner4, thank you again from the bottom of my heart. Your words, and everyone else's, are helping me more than you can know.
Beka
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