Can't get much worse than this...can it?
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Can't get much worse than this...can it?
| Thu, 03-03-2005 - 4:12am |
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Edited 3/4/2005 5:54 pm ET ET by pinkdandelion
Edited 3/4/2005 5:54 pm ET ET by pinkdandelion

Over reacting? No way! We are brainwashed and munipulated into thinking we over react.
Suggestions? Get counseling for your son, probably both of your sons and yourself. Your older son has learned from the best. Please get help for him. With his age it will only get worse. I have a 15 yr. old dd. Bad age!!!! She's in counseling now and has been for five months. It's helping her tremendously. She learned from the best too.
Similar story? My 15 yr. old dd was turning into him, XH. Everything negative, verbally abusive, defensive, untrusting, jealous. She learned from him. He was all of that and more. I can only thank my lucky stars she does have an ounce of me in her, and with therapy, I can get her back to who she used to be before she got to an age where she could be munipulated. That's why I say seek counseling for your son. Their personalities are really forming at that age. Anyway, I got out not only for my sanity but for hers. I knew if I stayed in it, she'd become him. She already was. She's slowly getting over her jealousy of me. The old green monster still pokes out now and then. She's starting to trust me, realizing I left for myself and for her and not for some other man! So judging. He is; she was. I believe she thought I had a bf because of what her dad would say. He just didn't get it! Didn't realize I left because of him alone! She's still very defensive but with therapy she'll be okay. And the verbal abuse has subsided. I won't even get into the verbal abuse I put up with from her.
So, therapy, it works. Do it for you and your kids. They are what matter. They are what count!
Hugs,
Happy
Edited 3/4/2005 5:54 pm ET ET by pinkdandelion
I can really now appreciated the support group I had in Ca. I tried everything. I was really the bad cop, ex the good cop. I tried tough love, etc. My poor son. He was really a great kid, but the junk that was going on between ex and me was terrible. My ex came from a dysfunctional family, mine stable. Son is now 29 and how he survived is a miracle. Ex was his step from 2. Ex's almost 50 (Pete and Repete is what I called them) son was the icing on the cake for me. He moved as close to us (2 blocks) after living with his mom until she passed away. Two's company and three's a crowd and I hope they live happy ever after. Yuk. Just the though makes me sick. Where I am going with this is these are your boys caught in the middle of a real mess. By finding ADV (Alternatives to Domestic Violence) in San Diego County I was able to get all the help needed for all the situations that came up. Where I live now has a really good program, but I found that having a support group meeting twice a week can not be replaced. I would like to start my own here. It breaks my heart that you have two wonderful boys that will grow up way before you know it and they don't deserve to go through this and neither do you. You are worth much more than you will ever know and will not realize this until you take care of yourself. The hitting should never have been allowed and should never happen again. Two years ago my ex on Feb 14 hit me in the face and I left a year later on Feb 14 last year. I close my eyes and this is the image I see. I forgot about that until just now. Something to remember when I get down. Be safe,
Luv Sherry
Glad to see you called for counseling. Family counseling would be good but you need individual counseling for yourself too. Actually, dd goes in for the first 1/2 hour then I go in afterwards. But that is for OUR issues. For myself, I sought therapy on my own to gain my self-respect and confidence back.
As far as dd's counseling, her dad won't even go. So what does that tell you? He's a jerk! You'd think he'd go to help her overcome her problems with him! And he went to his own counselor twice. That's all he needed he said. He says he doesn't need counseling.
As far as tons of pressure and ready to blow, I did that last week. I thought I was having a breakdown under so much pressure for two days. I finally did blow. I blew into him on the phone telling him how much I hated him and wished he'd die (not very nice words but he pushed me to the limit). I screamed so loud I think the whole apt. bldg. heard me. What was bad my dd was in her room and SHE heard me. I didn't want that. Anyway, all's fine now but I did need to blow. It's the adrenaline that builds up inside of you from all this mental stress.
And you find a counselor. No matter, keep looking. Somebody will be out there. That's what I had to do for dd. It's a pain for you'll find one.
Hang in there. Keep posting. We're here for you. You'll be okay.
Hugs,
Happy