Can't take anymore

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2005
Can't take anymore
6
Wed, 01-12-2005 - 12:20pm


Hello,
I am new to the board, I've been looking around and reading trying to find some help and support. My husband and I have been together for seven years, we've only been married for 2 years. We've been trying to work out our problems but it seems to be getting worse. He has such a bad temper, he's so jealous and very abusive. Nothing I do pleases him, we have 2 year old twins a boy and girl. I love my kids, and I love him to death, I've never been with anyone else besides him but he always seems to think i have a hidden agenda and accuses me of cheating on him.

Last night he had a couple of friends over playing cards and I was in the bedroom watching tv. I came out to get something to drink and I had on a pair of shorts and a tank top. He accused me of trying to "show off" in front of his friends and embarass him by wearing shorts and a tank top. I tried to just walk away and get back in the room but he grabbed me and threw me against the wall. His cousin was the only one to get him off of me, the others just acted like nothing even happened. I was so embarrassed and hurt. After they left he came into the room, I had already fell asleep he woke me up, started yelling and cursing at me calling me everything in the book. He beat me so bad, I couldn't even go to work this morning. It hurts to even move my arm to pick up the kids....I dont even know right now. I'm home alone thinking of leaving again.... but the last time I left when he found me, he put me in the hospital for three days. I'm so scared to leave him he knows everyone in the neighborhood, I can't leave my kids. I've looked into the shelters but I dont really want to put my children through that. Their daddy is everything to them. I'm so confused, I've cried so much I don't think I can cry anymore. No one really knows what happens at home, and there aren't too many people I can confide in. I'm a successful business woman, yet I feel so stupid and can't figure out why this is happening to me. He took my wallet, car keys because he says I dont need it. He's already called to apologize, but I know this is routine. I'm only 24 yrs old, I dont want to live the rest of my life fearing him, or getting these beatings. Sorry I wrote so much but I would appreciate your advice.

Thanks, Sasha

Avatar for smoothone2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2003
Wed, 01-12-2005 - 12:53pm
Please call the Shelter! I am worried about you he could have broke something! Please call the national Domestic Abuse hot line AT 800 799 7233!I know you don't want to go to the Shelter but this will be the best thing for you and your Kids! Please be safe! Keep us posted!
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Wed, 01-12-2005 - 2:47pm

Sasha, you are in extreme, extreme danger.


What your H did to you last night, and has done to you previously is criminal assault.

CL-Blueliner4

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2004
Wed, 01-12-2005 - 7:19pm

Sasha, he is extremely dangerous. Please follow the previous advice!

One thing about your post really struck me and I have to say something to you. You said that you don't want to put your children through going to a shelter, and I understand that you don't want to "upset" the household but sweetheart please try to see the big picture -- witnessing their mother being beat up and put into hospital by their father is something that will hurt them more than anything else in their lives.

You taking them to a shelter may be the biggest blessing they will recieve in their lifetime. Breaking free from this man will upset things for awhile, but it is necessarry if you want to stay safe and alive and have healthy, happy children who have a mother. YOU are not putting them through this, HE IS. Remember that.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2004
Wed, 01-12-2005 - 8:31pm
Honey, you need to get out of there, and like me we are both young, im 22, and just starting to get out of a abusive marrige, the best is to find a counseller and start from there, you can do it! and this board is so much help too, im praying for you, please stay safe
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2005
Thu, 01-13-2005 - 12:57pm
Thanks for all the advice, I couldn't even sleep last night just thinking about what to do. I called my sister who lives about two hours away and just told her I need to get away and that I didn't want to tell my husband. I'm going to take the kids tomorrow morning and go there for a while. I haven't told my sister the entire story, but I think she knows. He doesn't know where my sister lives (she just moved), I've taken some time off from work to clear my head. I know I'm not thinking straight... I'm just so scared that he'll find me. Last night he prepared dinner for the two of us, bought flowers, a diamond necklace the whole nine said he was sorry about everything about 50 times. I wanted to believe him soooooo bad, but like times before I know it's just because he doesn't want me to leave. We talked about counseling and he agreed to go with me. I'm just hoping it works and he sticks with it. I know it's going to make him mad that I'm taking the kids but I also know I need to get out of here. He has plans to take the kids out tonight, so it shouldn't be too bad tonight. I just need to get through tonight...I'll keep you guys posted and let you know what's going on.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Thu, 01-13-2005 - 3:58pm

WARNING, WARNING, WARNING : JOINT COUNSELING IS NEVER RECOMMENDED IN ABUSE SITUATIONS


There are a couple reasons for it:


The first is that traditional marriage counseling is designed for healthy couples who are having communication issues.

CL-Blueliner4