changing mind every other day..

Avatar for winter2007
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Registered: 06-17-2006
changing mind every other day..
10
Mon, 05-09-2011 - 12:27pm

wondering if anyone can give insight on this..

so my pattern is - 3 days back, I want to desperately leave, set up appt with atty for next steps, 2 days later..I dont know what I want..which is just hang around status quo..then I know again in a day..I will want to leave..and then not..I keep changing my mind every day like a chameleon..no it is not like he gets to be great..maybe some days he is more tolerable than others..and I am scared of unknown. But still changing my mind 3 times every week is unacceptable..

What is going on with me? anyone has any thoughts..let me know.

Avatar for tobermory
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Registered: 01-29-2001
Mon, 05-09-2011 - 10:23pm

Yes, as has been mentioned here a number of times, you are clinically depressed, therefore, you can't make decision. Get on some medications -- it won't be forever, but it will give you the lift you need to work on yourself and what you want. You are not going to get anywhere on anything until you take care of your paralyzing depression.

Tobermory

Avatar for cajunharmony
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Registered: 02-28-2001
Mon, 05-09-2011 - 11:23pm
Same thought as I've shared with you before, winter. It would be in your best interests to see your physician and get checked out. A course of anti-depressants may be precisely what you need. I have a very hard time understanding your resistance to exploring this possibility. Please, see your doctor and get some help. It's no bloody wonder WHY you're depressed, it's situational. And there are meds that can help. Don't you WANT to help yourself?

Mama Harmony

Avatar for queen_brat
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Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 05-09-2011 - 11:59pm

The fear of the unknown is a real fear and one thing I think is going on with you. I agree with the others about depression too. I know I have depression and at the moment I am choosing to go at with no treatment including no counseling and not so sure that is right for me but I am not facing what you are. When I first went on meds for it they helped so much and I felt a lot better. That could be what you need to help you make up your mind to leave. I was able to think clearer and miss those days right now, lol. It was not easy for me to admit I needed something to help and I am the first to admit I gave up on meds before I was ready to but they did help for a little bit.

There is nothing to feel bad about if you do need help getting past things. You have been though a lot and sometimes you need help to get over that. I went off meds because nothing was working and most days I can deal with it but I wish they had found the magic pill for me that would have kept working so I never had to feel depressed again or I could kick it on my own completely.

((hugs))


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Registered: 04-19-2011
Tue, 05-10-2011 - 3:01pm

Winter,

I went back and forth about three times. People kept telling me that I needed to see my doctor about depression medicine. I was one of those people that thought I didn't need it & didn't like how it made me feel like I couldn't feel any emotion. I also thought that doctors over prescribe them.

But, everyone that has posted is right. Once you find the right medicine and dosage it does make a difference. It is like you see things a little clear (your emotions are still involved), but you feel a little better. I started taking an anti-depressant, but was still having anxiety attacks during the day. My doctor took me off of that and now I take an anti-anxiety drug.

It is worth giving it a shot and a lot of times doctors can give you a sample of something to see if it works. Just also try to make sure you get enough sleep. I didn't and that wasn't good for me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2000
Tue, 05-10-2011 - 4:48pm

Dear Winter,

Leaving is very scary.

Avatar for winter2007
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2006
Tue, 05-10-2011 - 7:42pm

thanks everyone for posting. I was taking (generic for prozac)..didnt do anything..i think it takes 4-8 weeks for effect. I still think it is situational. I felt fine today..I had a session with therapist. But in evening he called me to berate me on something. I immediately feel heart palpitations. I guess I just need to do it once and for all and not be overcome by fear at the time of action and chicken out. Any idea on how to execute on the day instead of choking ?

by the way, the idea of standing upto him (as predicted by queen.brat) did not work out..i find myself reverting to my normal yes mode..to keep the peace.

Avatar for queen_brat
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 05-10-2011 - 8:26pm

My prediction is he could flip out and the cost of standing up to him could be to high ............. I know you can stand up to him just don't think it is safe to stand up to an abuser.

Meds for things like depression do take time to kick in and waiting can be hard but I do miss how I felt when the first one kicked in and worked. I was not a happy person when it stopped and the next two didn't make me feel the same. I didn't try a third because the nurse wanted to switch to bi-polar meds and I do not feel that is right so I am going at it alone. Exercise helps when I can get it and recognizing what I am feeling and why helps at times too. Sometimes I simply give in and let the depression have control for a little bit and then I over come it. Right now I am losing myself in a book and that even helps =). Meds do not need to be forever but can help get us though some rough spots. I went on after seeing a Lifetime movie that was one of my biggest fears (victim got away, abuser found her, abuser confronted her, she gets abuser away from house while he is acting OK, and he stabs and kills her) and left me not able to move. I was about to go to court with him over custody and was worried it would go bad or he would show up and run off with the kids before I had an order in place. Not sure I could have gotten though that time without a little help.

Who called and berated you?

The day I left South Carolina I was so scared of him finding out. I constantly was looking in the rear view mirror expecting to see him coming after us. I could picture him running us off the road. For me it was my children that made me keep driving. They did not want to be with him either. They gave me the strength I needed to keep driving and not go back to. Then fear kicked in. I was terrified if I went back with him he would make sure the next time he killed me. Now he should be the one who is scared! If he came in front of me now it would be him that should run scared.

But that is what it took or me to leave what it will take for you to keep going only you will know when the time comes. It could be simply him looking at you wrong that gets you to say I am sick of living this way. It could be him hitting you. It could be anything, What I think you need to concentrate on is leaving and not what it will take or why you haven't. None of those things matter in the end,. All that matters is you getting away from him!! I am not 100% sure why I stayed but I don't care anymore because I know it doesn't matter and all that matters is that I am away from him and safe from him abuse!!

I know you will get there just wish I knew when and could give you the answers you are looking for but there are no clear cut answers to that. What worked for those of us who left may not work for you. After hearing my story most are shocked that I know the reason I left was he threatened our son. If he had not done that I may not have left


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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2000
Wed, 05-11-2011 - 10:41am

Many yrs ago, I reacted to my husband hitting me and I hit him back.

Avatar for winter2007
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Registered: 06-17-2006
Thu, 05-12-2011 - 5:08pm

funbuz - thanks for your reply. did you have kids and did they come with you?

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Registered: 04-28-2000
Fri, 05-13-2011 - 10:03am

No, we didn't have children.