Child Abuse?

Avatar for sweettartnacho
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2006
Child Abuse?
14
Sun, 03-27-2011 - 3:46pm

Not sure I have the right board - Have a hard time getting to what board I want on Ivillage!

Yesterday, my dd suddenly called me hysterically asking for me to come get her from a friend's dad's house......and also to take her friend & the little sis & lil sis' friend away from the house w/her.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2007
Sun, 03-27-2011 - 4:18pm

I am not a parent, but here is my thought. If I were in your situation I would report my concerns not only to the school but to the police.So what if he loses his business and or goes to jail.Yes that would be fairly traumatic for his children Iam assuming however in the long run (if and only if he were abusing them,physically and or verbally) the children would be happier not living in that hostile, unpredictable and probably frightening environment.Not to mention they would obviously be safe.I would rather live in a box and drift from house to house, then live with someone that verbally/physically abused me.The child (ren) can't defend itself, how could it truly flourish and and be happy living there constantly walking on eggshells? The father sounds like an intimidater,which can turn very nasty very quickly.He knows he has power over the kids and he deffinitly takes advantage of that.From the sounds of that.

Like I said Iam not a parent and Iam not suggesting anything

Hollie

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2000
Sun, 03-27-2011 - 5:15pm

I am not sure about your state, but here if you suspect child abuse and fail to report it you can be charged as an accessory to the abuse.

Avatar for cajunharmony
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2001
Sun, 03-27-2011 - 8:41pm
I'm with Kat on this. He needs to be reported. My concern, however, is that he will know who reported him because of the specifics of the allegations. If he is truly a hothead abuser, sweet and her dd could be at risk of further abuse/retaliation from him, and the abuse of his girls could escalate. These girls are truly in need of advocacy by someone. Where is their mother in all of this? Perhaps you could speak to the counselor at their school about your concerns and the situation. Unfortunately, everything your dd told you would only be heresay, since you didn't witness it yourself, but your COULD tell her about what happened while you were there and that you are concerned for the girls' well-being. These girls are probably so conflicted they don't know which way to turn. They love their dad, but probably hate his behavior. That is very common in children who are abused. I share your concern about these girls. To take further steps will take courage on your part, but I believe you have it in you. Please, don't keep your dd away from them, they need her and YOU. You and your dd are a "safe place" for them. Just make sure that all interactions take place in your home, if at all possible. Have an in-depth talk with your dd and seek her opinion on what is going on. Find out how she felt and then work with her to develop a safety plan for her and the friends in case it is ever needed. Who knows, you might have been put in these girls' lives for a purpose. My prayers are with you as you face this challenge. Keep us posted.

Mama Harmony

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Sun, 03-27-2011 - 10:27pm

I would stay out of it.

sweets35
Avatar for cajunharmony
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2001
Sun, 03-27-2011 - 10:46pm
Sweets35 also brings up some very valid points. This is a very tough call, sweett. Perhaps talk to your dd and her friends, if they will open up to you, and see what they have to say. Then, based on what they have to say, let it ride for now. Then, if another incident occurs, re-evaluate. Very, very tough call. My answers are based on the way I respond to situations like this, proceeding very, very carefully and keeping an open mind to all parties. Perhaps asking the dad if you could meet him for a cup of coffee and a chat, outside of the highly emotionally charged situation, might be a way of opening communication. Raising kids these days is like walking blindfolded through a minefield, especially pre & teen age girls. I have an almost 13 year old myself and I keep searching the house for the alien pod that I KNOW she keeps somewhere! For now, Swett, maybe just watch closely and listen carefully? My best to you.

Mama Harmony

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Mon, 03-28-2011 - 12:22am

You call Child Protective Services.......and you do it as soon as possible.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Mon, 03-28-2011 - 8:13am
If the concern is really about the kids, they aren't gonna benefit one bit with dad in jail or loss of his business. If CPS is called it will traumatize this family. Stop and think! Do we really want to see kids go to a foster home? That is not the goal here.

Calling the cops or CPS would just be plain spiteful. Better problem resolution would be with communication among the parents.
sweets35
Avatar for sweettartnacho
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2006
Mon, 03-28-2011 - 9:51am

Interesting that there are a lot of opinions here.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Mon, 03-28-2011 - 9:57am

If

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2007
Mon, 03-28-2011 - 10:21am

(this is intended for the original poster,but I accidently replied to the wrong person,

Hollie

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