*this* close to getting a divorce
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| Sun, 06-12-2005 - 12:57pm |
It should be closer but I'm an idiot.
I've been with my husband 5 years and married for almost 3. I should have left him 6 month into the relationship but I'm an idiot and stayed.
While he doesn't hit me, he has manipulative, bullying, anger issues. When he gets out of control, he has no problem screaming at the top of his lungs, pounding on things, getting in my face and screaming, throwing a tantrum, and never, ever admitting he needs help.
I'm totally fed up with him. He's way too close to my dad's behavior. Funny how we wind up with someone we hate.
He does NOTHING around the house (except cook.
He smokes pot every day
He drinks every day
He got me in so much debt ($30K) I don't know how I'm going to get out of it, let alone leave him.
I'm going to lose everything I have if I divorce him. I put my entire savings to buy this house. He had nothing. I paid for the majority of bills while I let him quit his job and start his own business.
I don't know how to even begin to leave him. I have literally $300 in the bank. Yesterday we had a huge fight and he told me to pack my things and get the *f* out. AND MY NAME IS THE ONLY ONE ON THE MORTGAGE.
He's got a lot of nerve. He needs so much therapy it's sick. He won't go or admit he has issues. Instead he just says my depression is bringing him down. Gee, wonder why I'm depressed? I'm stuck with a pothead, drunk, lazy husband who makes me miserable.
I told him I was a lot happier before I met him and it's true. I had no debt. I didn't associate with potheads. I didn't have someone screaming in my face. I didn't have someone bullying and manipulating me in arguments. I didn't have someone that went online and emailed escorts asking if they did threesomes. I didn't have someone that thinks none of this is wrong.
Sure I have a history of depression but he just accentuates it and makes it worse.
He was screaming how me crying in a hottub in Maui on Valentines day made him sick. Yea well he didn't understand that brining 8 friends, his best friend being the drunk/high one EVERY DAY made me have a horrible time. I had a few drinks in the hot tub and broke down crying. I cried because another vacation was ruined because of his best friend. My marriage sucks. I want a child but no way with him and I'm wasting time. I hate my job, etc. Of course I cried. I just totally broke down.
I want out so bad but I don't know how to even being. Like I said, I don't have much money and it kills me that he is going to gain a lot when we divorce---all because he came in here with nothing and I built him up. Makes me sick. And he won't go easily. He will fight tooth and nail to get everything.
I just wish a divorce was as easy as it being over in a month. I don't want to deal with him anymore.

Oh Honey, PLEASE do not call yourself an idiot.
This is how I am looking at it ...... I also married someone with NOTHING. My 20K bought our 1st home which we made a ton of $$$ on & allowed us to buy the one we (I!) am in now. He rarely worked,