cold feet..again..

Avatar for winter2007
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2006
cold feet..again..
22
Fri, 06-03-2011 - 11:47am

as expected..the so called "honeymoon" period is going on..actually had a good week and weekend..i am loosing courage again..it is almost like I dont know what to do..dont want to..rather..I dont know..I know I will get lot of heat..I am just waiting to see if I want to again..it is not as much the courage..it is just I dont feel like. Something is wrong with me..perhaps i have internal issues..who knows..I am just sick of it all. sick of myself.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2000
Fri, 06-03-2011 - 2:11pm

This is where a counselor would challenge you to do something different. In the past you get a place lined up and are ready to go but then things are good so you dont go...do something different. You have a place lined up are are ready to go but things are good so go anyway.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2011
Fri, 06-03-2011 - 3:56pm

Hi. I'm still trying to figure out if I'm overreacting or underreacting, whether I am in an abusive relationship or not. But, I can say that I feel compassion for you. I have similar thoughts almost constantly now. I decide I'm done. I can even see the light at the end of the tunnel; my courage is up, and I have a 'game plan.' Next thing I know, I don't know....anything, maybe? Then, I start thinking about how extremely difficult it's all going to be, all the questions and pressure as well. Next, I sink into the "not feeling like it." I'm tired of struggling so hard. I'm tired of fixing everything. Tired of explaining. Tired of planning. Just tired. Then, I find myself saying something is wrong with me. I wish I had helpful words to share with you, but I don't know anything myself. I guess I just wanted to say that I understand.

Community Leader
Registered: 03-06-2002
Mon, 06-06-2011 - 10:43am

You sound just like me. I didn't think I was being abused and that I jsut had to deal with it, etc... well I am abused and I am working on getting out. There are times when things are going okay but remember that is just the calm before the storm. I've been in the process of leaving and then things got really good so I stopped. Once I really get the wheels to moving I am out of here! I think I am going to start putting a bunch of junk boxes at a friends house just to get them out of here. All he'll think is that I'm cleaning the house. Little does he know...

Get out while the gettings good no matter how good things seem to be going.

Good luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2007
Mon, 06-06-2011 - 1:24pm
I think you're getting closer. Like getting momentum to get over that hump. You're getting closer to the hump each time.

Community Leader
Registered: 03-06-2002
Mon, 06-06-2011 - 11:14pm

Okay, here's a perfect example...my husband takes meds for his temper. I have a teenage that doesn't know how to shut her mouth and control her temper just like her dad. He made a comment about dividing the money from some puppies that we have between the 4 of us. She made the remark that she was going to buy an iPod. The fight ensued. I will be taking stuff out of my basement tomorrow to my friends house tomorrow. It was another one of those moments where God affirmed that it's time.

Avatar for winter2007
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2006
Wed, 06-08-2011 - 1:03pm

thanks for all the replies..at this point, I really "hate" myself..I feel very bad about myself..I think

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2011
Wed, 06-08-2011 - 11:09pm

I so wish I had some great advice to give you, but I don't. Although I do think you have already been given some great advice by the other ladies here. I just wanted to say I completely understand how you are feeling right now, because it's exactly how I am feeling as well.

I have been convinced for a few weeks that I have been living in an emotionally abusive relationship for 10 yrs, that I'm sure I love H anymore, that I want to be on my own, that I'm not even sure I want to fix the M. We tried a separation of sorts for a couple of weeks, but it was too unpredictable for our two little kids, so I decided we should try living together full time again (separate rooms to sleep). I felt so much relief, freedom, independence, strength, courage and some clarity while we were separated, but my kids were not coping well, which is why I came back home full time.

A couple of nights ago I told H I was miserable living together. That I feel suffocated and I feel like he's manipulating me somehow to 'get over' my feelings. He's still trying to be affectionate and telling me he loves me, but it's just felt like he's pushing me to feel differently. So, we have decided that it's best to try more of a long-term separation - I will stay with the kids Mon-Thu nights and he will stay with them Fri-Sun nights. I even went to talk to someone yesterday about applying for benefits as a single parent, so that I can start to gain some more independence (I am stay at home mum). Then, today, all of a sudden I am having second thoughts about everything! Maybe I should try harder to let him in. But if I let him in again, aren't I setting myself up to put up with more abuse. Maybe it hasn't even been abuse. Maybe I'm just overreacting. Maybe I do love him still. Maybe I'm just having second thoughts because I just cut off contact with the man I was having an emotional affari with, so now I'm just scared to be alone. Maybe I shouldn't put the kids through a separation until we've tried counselling, etc properly. Maybe I've just had the wrong attitude to fixing this marriage all along. etc,etc,etc,etc!

It seems i am back to where I was a

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Fri, 06-10-2011 - 12:20am

Are you aware that your antidepression pills MIGHT be causing your apathy?

Avatar for tobermory
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2001
Fri, 06-10-2011 - 5:37am

You should probably realize that Winter has not been on SSRIs very long but has been apathetic repeatedly for years when it comes to actually making the decision to leave her husband. This is an ongoing pattern for her, and she has really not been taking the meds long enough for them to have kicked in entirely. She has been very depressed for a long time and is only now trying something new to cope.

Avatar for winter2007
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2006
Fri, 06-10-2011 - 2:45pm

I dont know who is right..you are both right. I just feel pretty pathetic about myself. I think I swing back and forth based on what his mood is that day..for last 3 weeks..things are stable..maybe since I live "within his rules"..and there is part of me who just wants to be status quo. I know this is not right and another boiling point will come soon..it is just how much i can take..and the end goal is like everyone says..make your decision one way or other and be done with it instead of torturing and going see-saw..all i can say is - I feel very low about myself right now.

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