Come out, come out, wherever you are......

Avatar for cajunharmony
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2001
Come out, come out, wherever you are......
4
Tue, 11-27-2012 - 1:27pm

As we all know, the Holiday Season is upon us.  In addition to putting additional demands on our time, energy, money and very PRESENCE, it is also a time when domestic abuse increases.  Unfortunately, this is also a time of increased demand on law enforcement and other agencies that should be here for the victims of abuse.  But because of these increased demands, it's likely that law enforcement will not be as readily available or as responsive as they need to be.  With this in mind, I am asking that any of you who are actively posting or are still not comfortable with posting to please, please, please, MAKE A SAFETY PLAN of some sort.  If you can't get to a DV agency advocate who can assist you in making one, at least check out the webpages for this board.  The link for it can be found in the very first post on this board.  Within those webpages are resources for making your own safety plans, from the very simplest to the most complex.  No white knight is going to come charging up on his mighty steed to "rescue" you and take you away to "happily ever after". 

I realize that many of us who are not out of our abusive relationships have no idea where to turn or what to do as a result of the conditioning we experience at the hands of the abuser in our lives.  It is at this time of the year that I feel the most helpless, powerless, and angry, because I know that the abuse is increasing and the resources are dwindling.  I belong to a Facebook group called Domestic Violence Crime Watch, which was created and is maintained by two former members, one of whom was a community leader for this board when I first joined here.  Once I have gotten squared away with my new position, and after the Holidays are over, I will be working with them on some special projects, in addition to what I do here.  I am PASSIONATE in my belief that  EDUCATION about domestic violence/abuse  is probably the single most important thing we can do to help bring about an end to it.  Our legal systems desperately need education, our schools need to teach about it, our churches need to talk about it and our communities need to stand united against it.  In order to accomplish this, we all, as victims, survivors, or family and friends of someone who is, need to do one thing and that is

BREAK THE SILENCE, END THE VIOLENCE. 

Domestic abuse thrives in secrecy and silence.  I will be silent no more, I will not keep quiet about it any longer.  My name is Hylan and I AM A SURVIVOR.

Mama Harmony

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Registered: 10-10-1998
Mon, 12-03-2012 - 10:55pm

Ok that was wierd. When I logged in at the top it said it I was not authorized to respond but yet it is letting me, lol

I hate how quiet it is around here and hope that everyone is ok. Things are pretty calm around here. I hate the holidays but its ok.. My youngest has a birthday tomorrow. Not sure who told her she could turn 11 but she thinks she is, lol. Can't wait to give her the present I ordered for her. She will love it. I picked her up a stuffed frog today at the bank (they have been selling stuffed animals for charity) not realizing she already had it but she was ok with it and said two is better then one, gave it to her early because I was tormenting her over the other gift but can't give that one to her early because I haven't picked it up yet. I get to go into her school tomorrow with a cupcake cake =). Sometime this week we will go get our tree and I already decorated the porch.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2012
Thu, 12-06-2012 - 7:30pm

Ah well,  I haven't and won't decorate for Christmas.  It's a bad flaw in me that I can't even get excited for my youngest dd or having the grandbabies over.  I abhorr any holiday.  I hope one day to find the magical that they say is there and that I know I enjoyed and experienced in the past.

Happy  eleven-teen! to your dd!  My girl hated when I said it but it is sooo true.  These tweener years have been eye opening, even though I have 2 older dd's!  There is an 8-11yr span between the older girls and her.  What a diff a decade AND an involved father make.  :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2012
Thu, 12-06-2012 - 7:31pm

Ah well,  I haven't and won't decorate for Christmas.  It's a bad flaw in me that I can't even get excited for my youngest dd or having the grandbabies over.  I abhorr any holiday.  I hope one day to find the magical that they say is there and that I know I enjoyed and experienced in the past.

Happy  eleven-teen! to your dd!  My girl hated when I said it but it is sooo true.  These tweener years have been eye opening, even though I have 2 older dd's!  There is an 8-11yr span between the older girls and her.  What a diff a decade AND an involved father make.  :)

Avatar for cajunharmony
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2001
Sun, 12-09-2012 - 10:22am

Okay, if you're not up to decorating, that's just fine.  It was hard for me to enjoy the Christmas season as well. It's just been in the last couple of years, and this year really, that I've been enthusiastic about it. It's always been a financial struggle, as well as stressful because of increased demands on time.  Now that you are no longer in an abusive relationship, you are FREE to celebrate or not celebrate in any way YOU deem fit.  That is one of the lessons we learn as we heal.  Our choices are ours and we make the best ones we can for ourselves and our loved ones.  Whatever YOU choose to do is YOUR right and no one else's and if they have a problem with it, they are the ones who need to deal with it.  Don't be too hard on yourself about this, your kids are much more resiliant than you give them credit for, and they understand. 

Now, regarding a "tweener", lol!  Oh, they can be such a challenge, stuck between the world of childhood and the adult world.  I have a 14 yo dd who is my heart, but there are days I just look at her and wonder where she came from.  Always remember, if your kid tells you she hates you, it means two things.  First, you're doing your job as a parent.  Second, she feels SAFE with you and FREE to say those awful words.  While it knocks you for a loop, when you realize that, you also realize that she IS SAFE and FREE and those become wonderful words.  Would she have said that if you were still with the abuser in your lives?  Involved fathers are important, but when the father is abusive, it's far, far better to be FROM a broken home than IN one.  (Thank you, Dr. Phil, for that one.)

Mama Harmony