Concerned? To be or not to be....
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|Fri, 06-03-2011 - 3:37pm|
Frankly, I need outside insight. I know I have a tendency to over think things, but I also have a tendency to downplay the severity of things. I know it's a little lengthy, but this is the first time I've sought help/insight beyond my closest friends and parents. Please, please, bear with me.
I've been with my husband since 2001. (We met when we were both 20.)
He has always had issues with substance abuse to one extent or another and with one substance or another. Alcohol has always been the most prevalent, though every drug he's used (from crystal meth to prescription medication) or other substance has created problems at some point.
There are clearly defined relationship roles throughout my husband's side of the family that prevail in ours despite my opposition and without explicit verbal expression of such. The male's job is to go to work. The female's job is....well, everything else.
Throughout the years, arguments with my husband are pointless. I feel that an argument is an exchange of ideas where neither of us has to be right; it is more important that we voice our positions so that the other knows where the other is coming from. He, however, gets extremely defensive practically from the jump. Many times this has resulted in holes in the wall, broken globes for the ceiling fan lights, or shattered glass storm doors (including in homes other than our own). It also frequently results in what I call "posturing up" in which he becomes "taller" by lifting his shoulders and getting extremely close, even to the point of pressing his forehead against my own. Nothing gets settled as he becomes angry to the point that sometimes he 'has to walk away' to avoid damaging property or getting physical with me. This is something I try but cannot wrap my mind around as I never feel as though I am so angry that I will destroy a piece of our or someone else's home or become physical with him.
After being stabbed by a neighbor in 2006, my husband required pain medication. However, this turned into a problem. This past fall, I discovered that he was taking our son's ADHD medication to the point that our son was going to start school 17 days short of his prescription. At the